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Philophobia Posts

Is it possible for Philophobia to be deeper than romance?

I experience an extreme disconnect mostly with my family and to a lesser extent my friends. I like to think I’ve hidden it well over the years but I’m beggining to think not. As a young girl my household was mostly half siblings and foster children, I had one full blooded sister just a year or so younger so obviously we were always stuck together. We were always simply “the girls” and I hated every minute of it. I nearly had a permanent scowl whenever we were out as a family, at home I was able to retreat into my own world but in public I was expected to engage and converse. She would ask me to play, I’d refuse, she’d tell my mother, my mother would get upset that I was being moody, then give me exactly what I wanted the solace of a time out.As I grew older…

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Do I have philophobia?

I’m sixteen and I’m not sure if I have philophobia.I have a lot of guy friends but i haven’t had a crush for 4 years up until now.I don’t like showing affection or intimacy, like hugging with both guys and girls. I also don’t like to open up to people and usually keep my thoughts to myself.I tell myself that no one will be capable of loving me and feel that people deserve love except me. I like to think of love. I imagine myself on dates or make up scenarios in my head about falling in love but when its in real life I end up being scared.When I find out that a guy likes me I panic. I also feel disgusted, I don’t know if its towards myself or the guy.My parents fight all the time, especially when i was younger but now they only do it once…

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Losing feelings

This is a couple years back but we met online. I know people say online dating never lasted and I think so too but I tried it anyways.I met this girl and I really liked her and we became a couple. We lived across the state and it was boring doing the same thing. I was devoted to her and very loyal but she wasn’t.For the first 3 months when we started dating she lost interest in me because of the distance we have.After we broke up for 1 month, we went back together again because she missed me and I still loved her then. We broke up a couple of times and it was very tiring.Then one day, she told me she cheated on me but I still gave her another chance. After that we broke up again. We lasted for 9 months. We talk once in a while…

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Philophobia love

You are confident You are happy You are who you want to be Living most of life’s experiences Yet fragile in one particularly isn’t everybodyAn eternity you have been searching And rarely you get this feeling Where you are both truly smitting Oh boy this is exciting Alas others share this fabled story telling I finally meet a perfect being after sharing and talking you are everything I dream of believing it’s only been a short while and hope this feeling will never die For a moment, my life becomes whole Finally a person I think worthy of my soul Thinking of you more than now and then Hoping you are also dreaming of me, amen Seeking my attention Returning your affection There is no misconception There is definitely a connection We make ourselves vulnerable and both want to be lovable So passionate and unstoppable This is truly unforgettable My…

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What should I do?

Is what I’m doing even right? I keep pushing boys away, no matter how nice they are. I got rejected in 8th grade by one of my guy friends. After that incident, I just felt dead. I don’t know what I should do anymore.He stopped talking to me and avoided eye contact with me. My heart hurts and I just can’t think straight. Because of this, I stopped having guy friends and trying hard not to be near any.To be honest, this is hard. I developed depression after a year or two. This just hit me hard. Now I’m in my first year of college. I’m starting to accept this whole rejection thing because of what happened on Thanksgiving. But I just can’t have the strength to like anyone anymore.I’m afraid to love, afraid to feel the same pain again. Everywhere I go, I see couples doing sweet things together.…

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Losing Control

I always thought that love was for everyone, that there was somebody out there to relate with, to grow with, to share everything with, to spend the rest of your life loving and caring for. I guess for me that will just stay a thought in my mind, never truly becoming a reality. I grew up in the church, in fact my whole life was focused on God and his word until recently. Throughout this time I read that love was kind, patient and caring from the word but learned that love hurts, fights and doesn’t last forever from my parents constant arguing and discourse. I tried to see the light in these situations, look for God and follow his ways, but this only led to heartbreak. I transferred this warped perspective to my relationships, judging those who didn’t live similarly to my lifestyle and pushing those I got close…

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