I have believed in soulmates my entire life until a couple years ago. I’ve had 3 heartbreaking relationships, but the last one killed me emotionally, and almost physically. I am in constant fear that whoever is interested in me has ulterior motives.

I don’t trust anyone. I don’t wanna be alone, but I don’t know how to let someone back in. I cry everyday, I don’t feel worthy of love. I feel destined to be alone. I know I’m destined to be alone.

Since I’m still young, I had been dreaming to met my Prince charming someday and become his wife because I have been influenced through reading love stories, watching romantic movie and singing love songs.

But I notice since I have crush on one of my favorite actor and I told myself that “I would fall in love with this guy.” but suddenly after saying those words, I feel my heart crushed and I start searching his negative sides just to make him discouraging to me.

Then, many suitors came and I end up with none because I always did the same when I start falling for someone, then I start forgetting him…

I wish I never met him..
I wish I never knew him,.. most of all, I wish I wasn’t in love with him so I wouldn’t feel this way,..
I feel rejected and all,.. feeling helpless and hopeless..
I know by now where this might lead to,
I wish I could tell you but I know that you don’t feel the same so I’ll just keep this to myself, curl up and wait until this feeling goes away,…

I love you so much,,. I can’t wait for the time that I will be with you ;(