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She doesn’t need to be afraid anymore

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I love a girl who is severely afraid of love, or maybe commitment, or both. I have known her since our younger days…not that we’re old, so I think in a way it gives us a little extra in the connection department.

We have spent time with one another, gotten physical (sex), and can talk to each other for days about anything! The time we do spend together is amazing and the world doesn’t matter. She’s all I think about, we have talked about kids and marriage, we both know we want it but I feel like no matter what I do sometimes she just pushes me away.

Our marriage talk will quickly turn to her telling me to “find someone better” and I feel shitty. I try and remember she doesn’t mean it and maybe I say the wrong things, or don’t support her as she wishes.

However I am affectionate and I expect the sane from my partner.

Sometimes I feel like I have to twist her arm to return the affection, and maybe that’s the wrong way to go about it. She has had a pretty horrible past relationship history, things that even shocked me and I’m not shocked easily. She also has kids with a father who could care less, and now that she wants a child it’s not exactly easy… let’s just say she has lady troubles.

At the end of the day all I want is for her to grab me and tell me she loves me. I want her to jump, I don’t want to jump alone.

But maybe that’s not in the cards. No matter how hard I try she pushes away when the feelings scare her. There are days I cry and lose sleep over her but I’d never admit that to her.

I know she’s the one and letting that go is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

2 Comments

  1. Anonymous Anonymous

    Just wanna say that you’re not alone by yourself and letting you know that someone else in this world somewhere, somehow also read these lines and shared the same mutual feelings with you too. It is always difficult when we learn how inherently different human beings are and there is little we could do to change that. In fact, you should not try to change anyone. The only person who could change her is only herself and you cannot save a drowning person if they won’t reach out to you first. Hope for the best but prepare for the rest is what I would say. Because what is the purpose of love anymore if you have to endure so much like that

  2. Pan Pan

    Gods, I hope I don’t make him feel like this. The sad part is I think I do. I try to tell him there are better girls, that we don’t know anything about love, that he deserves someone with less problems, that doesn’t think about suicide every day. If I make him feel like this… I can’t forgive myself for this.

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