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Do I follow my heart even though I know what’s right?

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I met her my freshman year in college a week before school started during orientation. She was out of my league & she had a bf but I still agreed to be down with her. I wanted her to myself & I couldn’t just say that like that I thought shed laugh at me & call it off got with another girl to make her jealous & it worked & i had her all to myself.

It was good but then I found these messages & I just felt crushed. So I started back talking to the girl & then just made everything worse. I didn’t love this girl she was just a decoy to get the girl I really wanted but I was so afraid that the girl I wanted would just leave me so I kept her around & that’s where I messed up at.

I didn’t believe in myself. I was so afraid of being abandoned of giving someone my all & having them walk out on me. I felt something the first time we kissed it was magic the first time I made love to her & everything was so right but I couldn’t stop being afraid I kept that girl around until I needed her I told her what she wanted to hear to keep her around in case I ended up heart broken but all along I was hurting the girl I cared so much about.

I made her feel like she had to compete with another girl & it never was like that. She was the one I wanted. The one I loved. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Why was I so afraid.

And now that we are not together I feel so miserable. I sit alone in my bed & I just cry I think about her 24/7. I’ll do anything for this girl, I love her so much that I’d give it all up just to be around her. And now she talks to someone else. It hurts to see her tweeting about them taking pictures with them.

We both did our fair share of shit to each other but I hurt her so bad & that was never my intention. I never meant to hurt her. I was protecting myself that I forgot to protect her.

And I want it all back. I want to lay up with her & watch movies all day or lay up while she runs her fingers through my hair. I never felt this way before for any girl & I don’t want to give up, I want to hold on cause I can’t see myself with no other girl.

She has made me a better person. In those three years together she has made not afraid to love again. I’m so attached to her. I don’t want no one else but her & I know that I should move on but my heart won’t let me.

We were just together the other night & it felt so perfect I felt at home being around her. I know it was a bad idea but I’m so glad that I was around her. The way she smelled, the way I held her that night, it was just so perfect. I’m so in love with this girl but she’s fed up with me.

I honestly hate myself cause I had the woman of my dreams & I messed it all up. I pray to God to bring us back together, I get on my knees & ask that he sees us through this.

I want to marry her, I want to raise kids with her & I never felt that way about anybody. I feel like myself when I’m with her. I just can’t let her go even though I should my heart won’t let me.

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