I recognize that I have some trust issues…they don’t reveal themselves in most of my relationships nearly as badly as they do when I consider the potential for a romantic relationship.
I desperately want to be able to be in a romantic relationship; the idea of vulnerability and being known and loved and knowing and loving someone else are all wonderful…Until it’s really in front of me, and then I choke.
I want a relationship, until the other person wants it too, and then I back out, afraid of being touched by them, afraid of letting them know anything about me, afraid of them getting to know me and then leaving.
This is so severe that when the guy that I like is nice to me, I lash out verbally or freeze up; and I find that I most often attach myself to men who are not interested, because it’s easier to pine over someone than to risk having to figure out how to be in a relationship, or trust someone to love me.
Do I have philophobia? Or is it just other issues? ha.