I’m sixteen and I’m not sure if I have philophobia.
I have a lot of guy friends but i haven’t had a crush for 4 years up until now.
I don’t like showing affection or intimacy, like hugging with both guys and girls. I also don’t like to open up to people and usually keep my thoughts to myself.
I tell myself that no one will be capable of loving me and feel that people deserve love except me. I like to think of love. I imagine myself on dates or make up scenarios in my head about falling in love but when its in real life I end up being scared.
When I find out that a guy likes me I panic. I also feel disgusted, I don’t know if its towards myself or the guy.
My parents fight all the time, especially when i was younger but now they only do it once a month.
Is it weird for me to wish that they should just get a divorce? I also blame myself that they are still together.
Please, help is this philophobia?