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Do I have philophobia?

Please share!

I’m sixteen and I’m not sure if I have philophobia.

I have a lot of guy friends but i haven’t had a crush for 4 years up until now.

I don’t like showing affection or intimacy, like hugging with both guys and girls. I also don’t like to open up to people and usually keep my thoughts to myself.

I tell myself that no one will be capable of loving me and feel that people deserve love except me. I like to think of love. I imagine myself on dates or make up scenarios in my head about falling in love but when its in real life I end up being scared.

When I find out that a guy likes me I panic. I also feel disgusted, I don’t know if its towards myself or the guy.

My parents fight all the time, especially when i was younger but now they only do it once a month.

Is it weird for me to wish that they should just get a divorce? I also blame myself that they are still together.

Please, help is this philophobia?

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