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Category: Gay philophobia stories

Do I follow my heart even though I know what’s right?

I met her my freshman year in college a week before school started during orientation. She was out of my league & she had a bf but I still agreed to be down with her. I wanted her to myself & I couldn’t just say that like that I thought shed laugh at me & call it off got with another girl to make her jealous & it worked & i had her all to myself.It was good but then I found these messages & I just felt crushed. So I started back talking to the girl & then just made everything worse. I didn’t love this girl she was just a decoy to get the girl I really wanted but I was so afraid that the girl I wanted would just leave me so I kept her around & that’s where I messed up at.I didn’t believe in myself.…

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Is this something that everyone goes through?

I’ve had this shameful past for a long time. I was intimate with this girl, which is how i realized that i was gay. I kept going on for about a year or two, but every time it happened, the next moment i felt total regret. It wasn’t just her that i had a physical connection with either. I kept thinking to myself, “What would my friends think?” and “Will everybody treat me differently?”This secret lasted for 5 years – and every year got worse and worse. Then one day, she told this guy that i liked and his friends everything….. after five years she’s just like “oh yeah by the way, I had a deep physical relationship with the girl you like, so basically she’s a lesbian – anyways how’s your day?” I didn’t know that she told, until afterwards where every time i passed by him and his…

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…………… YES I am certified Philophobic!

I keep falling in love with a wrong person. I love both guys and girls. but sadly, i always ended up licking my own wound when it comes with LOVE. When i love someone, i’ll love them 100% that even when they hurt me, i still said “it’s ok”.My biggest heartbroken moment was happening last year. i was in love with this girl. Very very deeply. I really care about her, i sacrifice so much for her. And i told her she don’t have to return my love, and just let me love her alone. That i can handle. but she ended up confess her love to me. And 2 weeks later she said “oh i don’t have feeling for u anymore”. i feel so hurt and so devastated. since that time, i feel afraid for love. i don’t wanna get hurt like that anymore.So whenever i develop crush on…

Read the full philophobia story... …………… YES I am certified Philophobic!

paralyzed mask

Masks. i don’t believe that i’ve ever being either totally honest nor trusting towards anyone period. Family, friend nor foe. None.raised in a strict christian background and a twisted family that birth me not out of love but more of responsibility because coming of age, lived in a country where homosexuality is viewed as a laughing stock or shunned by most if not all and deemed illegal by country law…which makes any activities or movement impossible to be expressed let alone protestedalways been an observer in life. where people crowd in to a new fad, i seem to be observing in the sidelines. discovered that i am different. people no matter how much of an outcast, would have at least a support or someone to share their tears and fears with. unable to share even the simplest of trust let alone love. for some reason, i don’t have any real…

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I don’t even know.

I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared. I’m scared that this is love. I’m scared that I might be in love with a girl who’s got so many problems. I’m scared because she has such a control over me. I don’t know if I can help her. It’s killing me, It’s killing me slowly. I don’t want to be in love. I even hate the sound of the word. If this is love, I hate it. If this is love, then isn’t good at all, it’s virtually nothing but pain and sadness.

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Given up?

Love, to me, is for people who deserve it. I don’t feel as though I do. I’ve done nothing of value, I own nothing, I owe nothing, my very existence has been self constructed to impact as little as possible on everyone I encounter. I make friends easily, I’m pleasant to everyone, I make an effort to not upset or offend but when someone starts to come close I drift to new people who know only the superficial. The only part of my being that could be considered interesting.I learnt very young (6 or so) that being who I was made everyone dislike and ignore me. It took until I was 17 until I had built myself into someone who could blend like a chameleon into any situation or group and not draw attention to all my flaws.Now (20) this person lives seemingly happily. He has a decent job, a…

Read the full philophobia story... Given up?