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Philophobia Posts

What should I do?

Is what I’m doing even right? I keep pushing boys away, no matter how nice they are. I got rejected in 8th grade by one of my guy friends. After that incident, I just felt dead. I don’t know what I should do anymore.He stopped talking to me and avoided eye contact with me. My heart hurts and I just can’t think straight. Because of this, I stopped having guy friends and trying hard not to be near any.To be honest, this is hard. I developed depression after a year or two. This just hit me hard. Now I’m in my first year of college. I’m starting to accept this whole rejection thing because of what happened on Thanksgiving. But I just can’t have the strength to like anyone anymore.I’m afraid to love, afraid to feel the same pain again. Everywhere I go, I see couples doing sweet things together.…

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Losing Control

I always thought that love was for everyone, that there was somebody out there to relate with, to grow with, to share everything with, to spend the rest of your life loving and caring for. I guess for me that will just stay a thought in my mind, never truly becoming a reality. I grew up in the church, in fact my whole life was focused on God and his word until recently. Throughout this time I read that love was kind, patient and caring from the word but learned that love hurts, fights and doesn’t last forever from my parents constant arguing and discourse. I tried to see the light in these situations, look for God and follow his ways, but this only led to heartbreak. I transferred this warped perspective to my relationships, judging those who didn’t live similarly to my lifestyle and pushing those I got close…

Read the full philophobia story... Losing Control

Am I Philophobic? (Or just unreasonable?)

I recognize that I have some trust issues…they don’t reveal themselves in most of my relationships nearly as badly as they do when I consider the potential for a romantic relationship.I desperately want to be able to be in a romantic relationship; the idea of vulnerability and being known and loved and knowing and loving someone else are all wonderful…Until it’s really in front of me, and then I choke.I want a relationship, until the other person wants it too, and then I back out, afraid of being touched by them, afraid of letting them know anything about me, afraid of them getting to know me and then leaving.This is so severe that when the guy that I like is nice to me, I lash out verbally or freeze up; and I find that I most often attach myself to men who are not interested, because it’s easier to pine…

Read the full philophobia story... Am I Philophobic? (Or just unreasonable?)

How do I overcome this?

I am 23 years old this year and I’ve never had a romantic relationship. I always want to feel loved by someone when seeing my friends hang out with their lovers and act lovey dovey. And I wonder how it feels to fall in love.I have dark childhood memories where my parents got divorced just right after I born so I never got attention and love from someone who I could call father. He sometimes visited us twice a year and my mother end up raising me and 3 other siblings alone. Watching my mother raising us as a single mother really made me think that we really don’t need a man in the house.When I got older, when someone showed their interest in me, I have zero confidence towards them. And I always think that they just come in my life to make my life harder just like what…

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Made a mess and I don’t know how to clean things up!

In grade 10, I went through a tough break up with a guy who was 9 years older to me and was a teacher of mine for 2 months during the summer; in arts. I was in a relationship with him for 2 years in secret with only a few people knowing. We’ve been through quite a deal of events together and it surprised me that we actually lasted for those 2 years. There’s nothing we really haven’t done together apart from soaking ourselves together in the bath tub.We had a pretty strong bond, though sometimes he would reminisce about his ex-girlfriend the entire relationship, who I stole him from. In fact, she had no idea who I was. But I had my flaws too when I cheated on him with his relative one evening, just so I had a strong reason to dump him and don’t come running back…

Read the full philophobia story... Made a mess and I don’t know how to clean things up!