I move around a lot in my childhood and due to my current job that detail in my life has not changed.
Over my life I have had one serious relationship that ended when I had to move away.
Not sure where the opinion came from, but I currently believe I am not worthy of love. Absolutely not. I do not share my past with anyone at all and my walls never come down.
I didn’t think I was actually pushing people away, but I have no one close to me and it is getting terribly lonely..
It is not like I do not want to have friends or be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel wonderful. Whenever the situation arises, though, I simply put myself down with any negative thought that will make me feel that they would have a better life without me.
I have convinced myself of that and it isn’t even a struggle anymore.
Am I philophobic?