I’m not sure if I actually have philophobia or not, but I sure think I do. Whenever I’m in a situation where someone is flirting or just really close I freak out.
I’m only a freshmen, but a while ago a senior confessed to being in love with me. He was dead serious, too. I found that I couldn’t breathe and I started crying and having what I guess you’d call a panic attack. I’d never thought I’d be so happy for someone to confess over Facebook. It’d be really embarrassing if he saw my reaction.
That wasn’t the worst of it, though. We had a dance for band and my sister picked out a cute outfit for me. I didn’t feel comfortable at all, but I was running out of time and just kept it on. I wore the shortest shorts ever that day (which “weren’t even that short” according to most) and a few guys came up and complimented me. You know what I did? I cried. I made a huge fool out of myself in front of all of my friends and they all were so confused and started laughing at me.
Then… I had to get a physical for sports. Twice. They are my least favorite things in the entire world. Right next to relationships. The doctor asked me last time if I had some sort of traumatic experience when I was younger. She thought I had been raped. I understand a lot of people have their reasons for being philophobic, but I don’t.
There is no reason whatsoever for my fear. Everyone in my family thinks I’m weird and is encouraging me to have relationships rather than telling me to stay away from them. I don’t know why I have it (or think I do). It doesn’t make sense and it’s really annoying because you never get to have close relationships with the people you like and everyone either thinks you’re weird or doesn’t understand. I hate it. I just want it to go away.