i honestly look at love as a very precious thing but damn too serious to me to get myself involved with. I had boyfriends before but none of them lasted for more than a year. i have been cheated on and when that happened i really cared less compared to when i know my best friend’s getting cheated on. I still believe that i can fall in love but when i feel like i can be in a relationship i cut it as cleanly as i can.
i had sex with this person and i think i feel something for him but its not strong enough to say that i’m in love with him and i don’t want to fall for him. when i hear people tell me about their feelings for me i cringe right there and then and brush them off by saying i don’t believe in love. even when i get weird looks from them and hear them say i’m abnormal i can’t change who i am.
there’s a guy who told me its because something that happened in my past or that I’ve not met the right person but i think he’s wrong cuz i once dated this guy and he was perfect but i just couldn’t fall for him.
for me falling in love with someone is asking someone to take over me. admitting to someone that i like him is like humiliation for me. i don’t want to be under anyone’s control. that’s why i keep them friendzoned with sex kind of thing.
its funny when i am so emotional (i write romantic stories) but when i in that situation i just can’t bring myself to be in a relationship. (i’m having difficulties saying “i love you” to my own mother.)
am i just not that vocal or am i really philophobic? whatcha guys think?