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The tremendous fear

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There was a time when I met this girl, whose name as L. I loved her as anyone ever loved someone, with all my life and my heart. She was my everyday happiness. I dedicated almost each one of my days during 4 years. One day I woke up and she hadn’t texted or phoned me. That was cool. Two days later I thought she had an accident, and was terribly worried about that. One week later, on Valentine’s Day, she phoned me to say that she was dating another guy and that she was marrying him. I was depressed for months.

Then I met another girl. She was smart, nice, but with some little mental problems. She tried to choke me, and she cheated on me. The next girl was extremely jealous, and without ANY reason she left me alone when I was presenting my BSC dissertation. She also was mean on my birthday.

I’m not an ugly guy, I’m not boring, I like to make a lot of jokes but know when something is serious, I’m not a psycho boyfriend. I have defects of course, but I never cheated on or mistreated none of these or other girls. I spent time, money, everything. I’m a smart guy (I hold a BSc in economics with a CGPA of 3.90), I’ve got a good job… I mean, I’m not like a clumsy wife beater or an idiot, or a douchebag. I’m a skilled lover (been told many times, not my opinion)… so I think I deserve at least some respect, am I wrong?

I don’t like to whine or bitch about this all the time, but now I really fear entering in a relationship, I feel a tremendous fear when women stare at me or when they try to meet me. Sometimes I lose my breath… am I overreacting? I don’t wanna see a shrink cause I think I’m not being “unconsciously” fearful. Actually, I see my fear as a logical and sometimes necessary. (Sorry for my english, I’m not a native speaker).

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