i think the truth of love is that everyone who is on this site and has their story posted is f-ing scared of love. me too. i’m terrified of the pain that seems to always claim me when the people i love leave.
i’ve been in love three times, now four, but everytime, i get left behind. my friends say that i’m beautiful, smart, and fun. but i have the fear that i’m not worthy. i can’t think i’m worth love, affection, or compliments because i feel so..unloved i guess. i’m scared everytime i see dylan, my current love. but when i’m with him i feel complete, infinite, and whole. i’m comfotable with him, i can laugh with him and we get along fantastically…but i can’t show him or tell him how i really feel.
is it the rejection i seem to attract? my parents were imprisoned when i was 13 months so i never grew up with the whole family thing. i lived with my crazed grandmother who obsessed over actors and wouldn’t put the effort into a relationship…then my brother, by a different dad, has only been in my life every once in a while because we live in different parts of the country. i love him dearly but he always seems to be leaving so soon and is always to busy for me…
i guess i have abandonment issues, but i want to feel the completion i have been feeling forever, with dylan. but how do i overcome this fear? how do i get over my pain? if you would like to talk e-mail me at [Ed. note: no personal information please, it can put philophobia.info in a position of liability for any unintended consequences. Use the comment system we’ve just added instead.]
i’d like to help others through what i know is the hardest thing in our lives.