Well, I’d start out saying that the first time i realized i had this problem would be when i was carrying a long distance relationship with a sweetheart named Nick. We talked for over a year and i practically had so much adoration for him, i was obsessed. But one night in the midst of our conversation he was talking about how much he thought he “loved” me & he cared for me a lot.
In my mind, everything stopped and I suddenly was turned off & didn’t want to talk to him. I ignored his calls, messages, IMs for weeks. Until he understood that i didn’t have feeling for him anymore.
It broke his heart & I felt like a monster.
Cases like that happened once or twice more in my life & I realize now that long term adoration is something I can never feel.
The feeling of someone loving me, i assume every negative plot against it.
Is it because he thinks Im easy? Is it because im the only girl who liked him? will he just use me?….etc
i gave up and now, as the official slut of school, flirt with guys as they know i don’t do “strings attached” because i explained the scenarios i’ve been through.
the feeling that someone flirts with me is fine to me but long term relationships and “love” — Its a mystery to me.