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My horrible conundrum

Please share!

I knew about philophobia for quite some time now, I would have never thought to myself in a thousand years that I might have it. The more and more that I think about it and look back on all of my relationships, I can see it more clearly.

My first serious relationship lasted the cause of about eleven months and about the time that I had starting feeling very strangely towards my opposite it was about nine or ten months. We were telling each other that we loved on another very often. But as soon as she ever hinted upon marriage or children I would just clam up and tell her that I would have to go.

My second serious relationship lasted a little shorter than the previous one, and the same thing had happened to me as the last time. I had to leave that relationship because I was afraid of being constricted by her, that that was my only option.

Now, the relationship that I am in currently I am only in about 5 months, and I’m getting afraid of even the aspect of her being the only person to love me.

You see, I’m in a horrible conundrum, I’m afraid of love, and I’m afraid of not being in love. I just need someone to tell me if I’m crazy or if I’m actually afraid to be loved.

One Comment

  1. paulacboldu paulacboldu

    Hi Alex

    The exact same thing happens to me. I give my best to learn about myself and my own feelings, and I’ve realised that in my case this is because of the fear of hurting others.

    I’ve only been in two serious relationships, and none of them lasted more than a month. I was the one who broke up, because I always overthink everything and I ended up realising that I didn’t love the guys I was with, or at least not as much as they did. I was so afraid of giving them false ilusions by the simple fact of being together.

    And now, I think I’ve finally found the guy for whom I’m willing to overcome my fears and simply let everything happen, but he has philophobia.. So this is why I’m here!

    Final conlusion: you are not a weirdo. You just still have to find your own solutions:)

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