A few days ago, my best friend whom I’ve met in kindergarten, confessed that he likes me. I was stunned and speechless. I laughed at him and teased him like it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. He said that courting me had crossed his mind but he was just scared to sabotage our friendship. We’re super close. We’ve shared ice cream, drank in the same glass and we’ve seen each other in our best and worst states. I’ve been open to him about my heartbreaks and dramas and he’s the same with me. But ever since he confessed, I feel like there’s this awkward air hovering above us every time we’re hanging out together.
I don’t know what to say to him and how to act in a normal way around him. I think I like him too. Because I’ve been thinking about what he said these days, leaving me with sleepless nights and bags under my eyes. Maybe you’re asking, “If you like him too, why not give him a chance?” Well, here’s the case. I’m SCARED. I’m TERRIFIED. I don’t know if I can break down all my walls for him.
I mean, yes he’s my bestfriend but still, there are things and secrets I haven’t told him and not planning to do anytime soon. I can’t love him. I know I just can’t. I’m the type of person who wants to be loved and yet when I’m close to that, I tend to let it go. It’s like I’m scared of being in a relationship. I’m okay with being buddies or bestfriends but taking it to the next level creeps the hell out of me. I don’t understand myself. Please help!