As a child, and then a teenager, I was raised with the luxury of watching television. Due to that, I believed in this bullcrap called ‘love’. I’ve went through dozens and dozens of break ups, but I never gave up. I still believe, I was still me, a nice guy.
Little did I know that with each break ups, with each lies told to my face(I love you) followed by “There’s someone else”.. It corroded my soul. The clincher came in the form of the longest relationship I’ve had..
We were each other’s ‘longest relationship’, but she also cheated on me a whole damn lot. But being desperate to love and be loved by someone, I kept forgiving her and stayed, until she got tired of being with a spineless man who can’t even keep her legs closed. Then she left me for someone else, after cheating with that guy for weeks before she declared it.
And then.. Nothing. No pain, no tears. Like it didn’t even hit me the way it’s supposed to. I’ve changed, from the nice guy to a rude asshole. Whenever I go out, I stopped looking at women, detested relationships in general, and I avoided my former female friends until all I have left is a few male friends.
But as I discovered that I’m bisexual, I started pushing even my male friends away. Every time someone approached me with even the slightest bit of interest, I offended them and shunned them away.
Now, I’m single, my weekend activities are either porn or one night stand, if I could tolerate a company. And.. It’s very lonely. I thought I simply hated love, relationship and commitment for they are nothing but bullcrap social convention. But now, I’m all alone, devoid of emotion and companionship.