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“Find someone yet?”

The answer to that could be, “Yes, yes I have” because I’m not so odd that no one wants to pay me the sort of attention others would kill for.

It’s just, I don’t want to find somebody. There’s this little weight in my chest whenever someone looks at me and decides that I’m their next project/conquest/whatever. Guys who make their intentions known, guys who are friends first and decide they want something later, people…they make me anxious and perturbed.

I’ve never dated; I’ve never wanted to. I’ve been asked, and even if I liked the person asking…the idea of giving away my time, having to pay them in affection, having to trust them has always made me skittish, caged, wide-eyed and confused and anxious.

I explain it to them, they protest that all I have to do is try (“With me.”) and it will all be fixed. My family says all I have to do is try. My friends say all I have to do is try. They all underestimate this. So, I talk about it to you.

2 Comments

  1. Alan Alan

    Perfectly understandable in my opinion – enough said.

  2. eveline eveline

    That is how I feel when I’m asked if I’ve found someone. I want to continue learning and enjoying my freedom, without having to give up all my time and concentration for probability, foolishness. My family asks me with good intentions- they say I’ll be alone forever- but I can’t stop from thinking I’m not alone, for I have them and friends. Perfectly fine with life as it is.
    I say if you feel happy the way your life is, keep it that way for as long as you can- being single is freedom, maybe all those pushing you into getting into a relationship are only envious?

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