“Find someone yet?”
The answer to that could be, “Yes, yes I have” because I’m not so odd that no one wants to pay me the sort of attention others would kill for.
It’s just, I don’t want to find somebody. There’s this little weight in my chest whenever someone looks at me and decides that I’m their next project/conquest/whatever. Guys who make their intentions known, guys who are friends first and decide they want something later, people…they make me anxious and perturbed.
I’ve never dated; I’ve never wanted to. I’ve been asked, and even if I liked the person asking…the idea of giving away my time, having to pay them in affection, having to trust them has always made me skittish, caged, wide-eyed and confused and anxious.
I explain it to them, they protest that all I have to do is try (“With me.”) and it will all be fixed. My family says all I have to do is try. My friends say all I have to do is try. They all underestimate this. So, I talk about it to you.