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Rude awakening

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My naive ideal of love: Deeply connected, transcendent, magnetic, curious, passionate, generous, primal, quirky, childlike, warm, comfortable, eternal.

My own experience: Erratic, disrupting, consuming, often one-sided, ends painfully, muffled by reality, detail and minutia.

My observations in others: Fleeting, stagnates in time, looming cultural/societal pressures, asynchronous and unreasonable expectations, illusory highs, crippling lows, fundamentally imperfect.

Truth: Somewhere between all of the above, and whatever you make of it at the time.

There is certainly nothing that terrifies me more than intimacy. Such intensity and power comes with truly knowing a person. Even reflecting on mortality is less unsettling than to consider the depth of scar a broken heart can leave.

If I could avoid the experience going forward, I might consider it. I’m not sure it’s possible, however. This hopeless dance is so simply human, and to sit idle is to lament a prison of my own design.

Melodramatic? Oh yes. Genuinely so.


  1. Apt. This is so apt. I couldn’t help but leave a comment. This is exactly how I feel and well yeah, it sucks. Sometimes I wish that there was a land of love or something, you can fall in love only when you are there and you can decide if you ever want to make a trip there or not. Well, till my utopian day dreams quiver into crumbs of nothingness…

  2. Chrissy Chrissy

    Don’t give up; there is plenty of hope for you to find the perfect relationship you’re looking for. Just stay open-minded, look for others a lot like you in personality, and the perfect girl will come your way. It may take lots of tries, but you’ll get there. Look at the world around us; it’s so terrible, so sad, but there is also happiness in it. Your ideal of love exists if you strive for it. Create it yourself.

  3. Stephanie Stephanie

    This is exactly how I feel.

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