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I am confused with myself

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Ever since I was small I was terrified of relationships in general, not just love. If someone seemed to be getting too close I would break out in a huge panic and try to cut myself off immediately or distance myself, but even if its only a friend I would want to get rid of them, just go alone and have nobody.

When a guy or girl confesses to liking me, I flip. I will break-down, run away, and never talk to that person again, maybe its what happened when I was little which set off…well,everything that happened to me, I don’t know. but distancing myself always seemed the solution, I felt like a caged, injured animal. Terrified and needing to escape, to be free.

I don’t know what this is anymore,I don’t know if i’m philophobic or just afraid of relationships in general. And I don’t know what to do and its suffocating me more than feeling loved.

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