My agony, suffering, and the pain. It all begin in the month March. Two to three days after my birthday I found out I was in love. I felt that he cared for me and understood my ways.
You see I was a troubled girl at the time. My parents had arguments about me, also my mother and I had fights with one another. My father had told he had other kids and a wife. My mother was there but she really didn’t notice me, she just took care of my younger brother (my real brother), I stayed up until my father came home but he didn’t come that night.
And school… how much I hate it both church school and regular school, I was always picked on and bullied. That impacted me in a way I couldn’t understand. Later on as I became older started to change. I began cutting myself, changing my hair, the way I dressed and personality.
Until I met him, I didn’t like him at first however the feeling changed after he and I talked. He changed me, I had the attention from someone cared for me. I was satisfied. I felt happy and not alone. He asked if I could be his girlfriend, I respond with a yes. I finally was deeply in love with him.
A about a month or two later he cheated on me. It hit me just like it did with everything else. So I did the same thing he did to me, I settled the score. However that did not help, it just made things worse. We fought with one another calling each other names and then we left one another alone.
He found ways to talk to me and we talked, which was an horrible idea. My heart shattered into millions of pieces every time we talked. He asked me to be his girlfriend once again. “Ok” I told him and a week in a half we separated once more.
It was that day when I decided that I will not fall in love anymore, to live life freely as a single girl. And I still fear the word love. I figured that love had its moments and its tragedies but I feel it is good to let go on the people who say they love you but really don’t. And from this experience I cant allow anyone to have my love, not anymore…
I believe I might be a philphobic person.