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Was I ever meant for “Heaven’s Light”?

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Hi, I’m Christopher and I’m a 19-year old philophobic from Jasper, Georgia. I’ve never dated a girl, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, and I’ve never known the feeling of love. I just don’t know why. I’m a nice guy and I have a love and interest in animals, especially prehistoric animals. But what worries me is that my love for all animals in the entire animal kingdom is what’s prevented for finding the women of my dreams.

Back where I lived in Jackson, Georgia, many people in the middle school were cruel to me because of my interest in God’s creatures. When I first moved in Jasper I was hoping for a better, happier life. But it’s still basically same thing. People don’t mock me as much as before, but I was still avoided; at least I felt that way.

During my years of high school, I’ve spent most of them alone. While everyone was hanging out in their cliques in the hallways during the breaks, I just wander around by myself and then head to class. I tried to fit in, but people just look at me very awkwardly as if I was some skinny ghoul. I was mocked so much, that I just didn’t know how to fit in with anyone. Sure there were a few people that talked to me, but not a whole lot.

Almost three years, my cousins from Orlando, Florida came to visit us. My Aunt Debbie was dating a guy named George who came with them along with his son Danny and his teenage daughter Julia. When I first met her, she said hi to me and vice versa. At first I was just being friendly to her (since girls before her have most of the time treated me like a misunderstood snake).

The next day my family and I took my cousins on a hike at Fort Mountain. Everyone was having a good time, especially Julia. We stopped at the lookout to spy any birds of prey flying nearby. I was looking through my binoculars, when Julia walks up to me and asks if I’ve seen any. I was surprised that a girl actually seemed interested in what I was doing.

A few months later in March, Julia, along with her dad and brother, came to visit us a second time. Julia even gave me a late birthday present, since my birthday is February 16. They were very colorful and unique rocks and minerals that she and her family got when they were at a quarry they visited. This had got to be one of the nicest things that any girl has done for me.

The third and last time I’ve seen her was during spring break in April. She was visiting my cousins at Orlando and she was spending a lot of time with two of my cousins Hannah and Victoria. We went to the beach one day and had a good time. I spend the night with my cousins one day, and right before I was heading to sleep with my cousin, Cody, Julia walks up to me and hugs me good night. Most girls have never hugged me like this before. It’s like as if she cares about me.

It’s been almost three years now that I’ve last seen her. I’ve recently talked to her on my cell phone. She said she’s been doing fine with work and college. She even asked if I was doing anything this summer and if we can get together sometime. I want to see her again, but it’s been so long that I’m worried to tell her how I feel. Am I feeling love for her?

I’ve lived most of my life in solitude with only a few friends, my family, and my animals to keep me company, that I don’t know what it’s like to fall in love. I may not be afraid of animals, such as snakes or spiders, but falling in love is a different story. I fear of being rejected, that a girl won’t want to be around me because of my love of animals. I’m just searching for a kind, beautiful, Christian, young woman who will love me for who I am, no matter what. A girl who has a dream or a want to work with animals, like me, at a zoo or animal sanctuary. What’s the point of working with amazing animals, if you don’t have anyone to share the adventure with?

It’s okay if Julia doesn’t have the same feelings for me. I just want her to be happy. A girl as kind and beautiful as her deserves the man of her dreams. A man who is tall, handsome and a lot of fun. I just have the fear of telling her how I feel. I just feel like Quasimodo from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Was I ever meant for “Heaven’s Light”?

6 Comments

  1. Trevaen.W.Anderson Trevaen.W.Anderson

    I’m sadned by the story as it reminds me of my friend who olso as the same problem hes been in realationships but to no avile they have all come crashing down I suggest trying to find love instead of waiting for it to find him

  2. Anonymous Female Anonymous Female

    What you feel for animals is love- the interest you have in them, how you want to be around them and take care of them, learn everything you can. That joy you have, that’s what love feels like, but it’s different with animals – they never reject you like people can. And that’s what makes it hard. I think what you feel for Julia is an inclination toward those ‘love’ type feelings, but only you can know for sure. If you’re questioning it now, you probably already know you have feelings for her. It might be scary, but if you never express this, you’ll miss out on the chance of finding someone who wants to hold your hand through all of this. You could miss out on other kindhearted spirits like yourself.

  3. It’s hard to find a good girl. look at it like this; your fear is helping you in a way. Holding you back from picking the wrong girl and making you wait for the right girl to come along and look past your fear. I suggest trying for Julia, from the description, you have to make the move. she already gave you enough hints. If she seriously didnt want to be with you, she would have given up and left you, cutting off all contact with you. She’s waiting for you to make a move, Three years. She waited THREE years for you. Give her a chance. She clearly wants you to.

    • Anonymous Anonymous

      Okay, if you think so. I’m just not so sure when I’ll get to see her again. I hope to see her this summer.

  4. Chrissy Chrissy

    Just know that you are an amazing person and God loves you. 🙂 He has a plan for you, and he will make it clear. You’ll find the woman of your dreams, whether it’s Julia or not. I’d say, give it a try: tell her how you feel. The worst that can happen is rejection, but there are plenty of other women who I’m sure would be dying to date you. I for one would say yes in a heartbeat; you sound like a great guy.

    • Anonymous Anonymous

      Thanks. It’s been about a month now since I last heard from her. She said she had busy with school, work, and she had recently broke up with her boyfriend recently; so she single again. Like I mentioned in the passage, Julia asked me if their was a time we can get together again soon; possibly even this summer. I would love that, but I just don’t know how.

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