So basically I didn’t even know a phobia like this existed until seconds ago. At least now I know I’m not in it alone.
Growing up I just realised I wasn’t so good at reciprocating love or expressing my feelings. I just always keep everything bottled up inside and I don’t know how to let people in. My mum constantly complains that I need to let people in and she keeps telling me it’s OK to be vulnerable but I just can’t do it.
There was this guy who I was dating and immediately things started getting serious and he told me he loved me I freaked out and broke up with him, I deleted his number off my phone, stopped picking up his calls.
My friends didn’t understand what went wrong and honestly neither did I. I just knew I couldn’t be with him anymore, maybe it’s the fear of rejection, that I’ll never be enough for him or that he’ll eventually get bored with me, I just knew that I couldn’t handle it.
I’m still trying to figure out how to open myself to love but I just think love isn’t for me even though I do believe in true love. I guess I’ll never experience it. It’s sad, I know, but I’ve accepted it.