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Me and my stupid dead heart

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So basically I didn’t even know a phobia like this existed until seconds ago. At least now I know I’m not in it alone.

Growing up I just realised I wasn’t so good at reciprocating love or expressing my feelings. I just always keep everything bottled up inside and I don’t know how to let people in. My mum constantly complains that I need to let people in and she keeps telling me it’s OK to be vulnerable but I just can’t do it.

There was this guy who I was dating and immediately things started getting serious and he told me he loved me I freaked out and broke up with him, I deleted his number off my phone, stopped picking up his calls.

My friends didn’t understand what went wrong and honestly neither did I. I just knew I couldn’t be with him anymore, maybe it’s the fear of rejection, that I’ll never be enough for him or that he’ll eventually get bored with me, I just knew that I couldn’t handle it.

I’m still trying to figure out how to open myself to love but I just think love isn’t for me even though I do believe in true love. I guess I’ll never experience it. It’s sad, I know, but I’ve accepted it.

3 Comments

  1. Anonymous Anonymous

    please dont give on love i still think u could get back with that other guy and explain 2 him y u boke up with and if it doesnt work out just get professional help.what risk do you take trying?crying for a whole night?(thinking)not getting over it?girl dont worry get your bff and ask her to help u or ur mother or even pray at ur first ressource

  2. Anonymous Anonymous

    Remember that love is not a feeling, it’s an ability. Feeling passionate about someone does not mean you love them. Love is completely abandoning your own desires for the sake of someone else, so what you’re feeling does not mean you’re incapable of love. In fact, the truest form of love occurs when you feel the least amount of passion, but you serve anyway. Passion is not a bad thing, but it can easily prevent people from pursuing love on a deeper level that is without fear. So there is no need to be afraid! You are loved! I was going through the same thing, but I later found that it was God’s way of strengthening me so that I could love him more and understand his love for me on a deeper level. I hope this helps you in your pain. I’m sorry that you are suffering with this, but love will carry you through < 3

  3. Phoenix Rose Phoenix Rose

    i know the feeling i keep thinking my boyfriend is gonna find someone better im scarred to get close because ive been hurt so much before

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