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A Child Shattered

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When I was 6 years of age, my 3 cousins had been the ones I loved dearly, we played all the time at my grandparents house. One day while we were playing, a CPS worker came in, and took all 3 of my dearest friends away…

I felt my innocence be lost that day. The next year, my great grandmother died at the age of 97, leaving yet again another mark on my heart.

But the real kicker happens the next year when I was 8 years old…My mother had met a drunkard, whom she thought the world of and thought God had told her to be with, she went with him, and left me behind, that day I cried, and cried, and cried…I called for my mother, I called for solace, comfort, to hear her say the words I love you again, to feel her loving hug, her kind, gentle kiss on the cheek…But I received none of this, at least not from her.

For the next 2 years, my father would attempt to repair my damaged heart from my mother’s abandonment, and it worked somewhat, I was happy to be with him, and he was always happy to be with me, to tell me he loved me, and hug me.

But it was never the same…Never the same that mother gave me, a father’s love is different from that tender care a mother can give, and I felt that.

Now, I am 18 years old, I have had only one girlfriend, been on one date, and I still refuse to make any commitment to anything that exists. It’s gotten to the point I’ve lost the attachment I had to my dog, he is 12 year’s old, and I barely pet him more then once a week figuring “He’ll just die, and leave me in a few more years anyway, what’s the point?”

And now, all I do is sit in my room, I’d get a job, but how could I commit to slaving for 8 hours? I’d get a girlfriend, but what if she just leaves me, like my mother did? I’d tell my dog, but why form an attachment to something that’s going to die anyway? Because I am a child shattered, and I feel so empty, that something use to be there but now it’s just broken, and the only that can pick up the pieces just doesn’t care to…

One Comment

  1. Marc Moïni Marc Moïni

    Seems like you’re in a lot of pain, because you’re not finding a reason to live for and hope again…

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