Only last week my best friend accused me of being afraid of falling in love, when my friend, whom I had a great connection with was moving to China. To her this was not the first time I didn’t give a good guy a chance hence the only explanation for my behaviour has to be that I’m philophobic! To me this seems outrageous, I’m not afraid but I guess I’m holding out for something special. For a guy who can love me today and always, not the one who idolises me or whose only using me. Guess I’m guarding myself from the bad luck of love that has fallen upon my family- mum separated for 20yrs and to top it up moved me to the other end of the world from my father. Her three sisters either divorced or in a sad denial of being in a ‘good’ marriage- one her husband works in another country and she barely sees him and the other aunt, who are we kidding the whole family knows her husband cheats! So excuse me if I’m being logical about love and not senseless!
However, imagine if their tragedy is caused by them being philophobic, it’s got to be true. They overguarded their hearts, in the end marrying the wrong guy. There’s is only few chances of meeting a good person. Then the it goes into a downwards hill meeting one person worse than the previous one and in the end you give up and marry the last one in front of you cos you start to believe you deserve this person!
All I know is I’m this way due to many reasons
– had a cold hearted mother
– come from a cursed family line
– never knew my dad
– first boyfriend was a jerk
– my first love had a double life(married!)
etc and the list goes on but as long as I’m hopeful I shall not be afraid of being loved or falling in love (again)… I know he is out there, the guy who will love me for all my mistakes and passion and whom I will love with every breath of my being.