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Cheated on…

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I have always been a commitment guy. I was in a relationship for 4 years with a girl that I was sure was going to be the one for me for life. We lived together, shared many ups and downs and thought our love would get us through anything. I was wrong. I caught her cheating on me (in the act) with a male “friend” that I always had concerns about but she always told me not to worry, and I was paranoid. I barely made it through the aftermath, and that was when I just figured that I would much rather be single than go through that emotional turmoil ever again.

A few years later I met a great girl. She pursued me and knew the history of the past relationship and did not care. She just wanted to be with me. I was good to her but was not the easiest to be with and she tried so hard, but she wanted commitment, which I was giving her but just could not come to terms to say it, she wanted it all, to live together, marriage, kids, the same thing I wanted but the fear of losing her was holding me back from giving her all those things even though I wanted it all too. Now she is gone and it kills me and I just want her back, she was a sweetheart, and I want to give her the world. I hate myself for not coming to grips with everything sooner. She was my pumpkin and I love her and miss her and just want to make it all right again. I miss her so much.

One Comment

  1. Rachel Rachel

    You don’t say why girl number 2 went…did she leave you or did you leave her or did you ‘drift apart’? It sounds as if there was no closure. I know from bitter experience that if there is no closure the pain of separation can go on for a long time! It does seem as if trust was missing from the relationship. I have similar problems but am coming to terms with the fact that I prefer friendship to ‘relationships’ and now let everyone know this when I meet them. It does help me to feel less deceitful.
    If 2 people cannot trust eachother the relationship is doomed, friend or lover. Try having more casual relationships but don’t play with other people’s hearts. My last ‘relationship’ was so ambiguous and I ended up having to end it because I loved the man. Ironic eh?

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