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Use me, Abuse me, Lose me

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It’s all I’ve ever known. I’m always told how hot or sexy or whatever adjective for attractive you feel like using. The last relationship I was in gave me PTSD from the verbal and emotional abuse. I don’t like playing the victim, however I cannot bring myself to allow myself to love another woman again. For the last seven years or so I’ve experienced nothing but relationships that end in quite the painful turmoil with the exception of maybe two. They all wind up being a year or longer relationships.

I really want to allow myself to love someone, I’m so affectionate, so passionate, but currently I am giving my love away to strangers and people I am too afraid to get close to. I don’t blame myself, I don’t blame those who have hurt me, I just wish I had never gotten hurt. I wish I could bring myself to commit to a single person but I really don’t want to because I fear it will be just like everything else…

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