I think that now I know why I am that way. I found the reasons why all these things happened to me, why I don’t want to be in a relationship, why I only get attracted to guys I know won’t probably love me back.
It’s just fear of commitment. (Philophobia ?)
I realized that everytime I like a boy, he doesn’t want me, but for some reason I keep wanting them, keep fantasizing about them and I asked myself why cause on the inside I know that it won’t work out but still, I want to try …
I figured out that when you’re attracted to someone you know won’t feel the same it’s just a way for you to not get in a commitment. You know deep inside you that the relationship won’t go any deeper so you won’t have to really get into it and open up yourself.
See, I only had one “””””boyfriend”””””””, he broke up with me after a few days and found someone else. I was hurt but for some reasons I couldn’t get him out of my head. Now I know why. It doesn’t change anything but I’m glad I can put words/reasons to my acts/feelings.