I’m 19 and this is something that has started to worry me recently. I don’t know if it’s love exactly, but it seems like just any form of intimacy.
I shiver when my own mom tells me she loves me, like once every decade; never heard it from my dad. I can’t even really open up to my closest friends. We’ve been on retreats in school where everyone talks about feelings and whatnot and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even look my own friends in the eye and tell them, I just made some things up that I didn’t even feel to get through my turn.
And even thinking back to my short relationships with girls throughout high school, I was never at ease during sex. And it really hasn’t changed. I always like shiver nonstop and when they ask I just say I’m kinda cold. It doesn’t effect my social life as I can hang around with close friends and girls it’s just I can’t get close to anyone. It’s so annoying.
I’ve never really had a scarring experience with love. And it’s not like I’m just a shy little kid. I just can’t let anyone know me intimately. But I want them to