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I want to be comfortable liking someone

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Im 15, almost 16 and i am scared out of my wits of love… Just the thought of being with someone forever makes my whole body tense up and i feel like every cell in my body is burning.

Although i have had my share of boyfriends i thought that love was something you have to warm up too. So i stayed with them for as long as i could stand. Now i am so scared i havent been with a anyone in a while… just the thought of being with someone makes me want to light myself on fire. maybe theres no one for me? it seems like everyone has a match except me… I thought it was just because i didnt want to hurt myself by using someone else…

And you know everyone is always talking about how love is the best thing in the world, and how it makes you feel like youre just walking on air… how when you find that one person all life questions are answered… all of that sounds great, but what about the aftermath? what about all the pain you feel when you walk out on that person or vise versa? it just sounds terrible. and some people do it just to hurt themselves or others, it never ceases to amaze me what people will do to each other, so i decided i would take myself out of the whole mix, but now i am as unhappy as ever, all i want to do is be comfortable liking someone. but i cant find myself to do it, so i think its over… i think give up.

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