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Perpetual adolescence?

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Does never loving, or never being loved, or, never having been in a mutually loving relationship, stunt my growth as a human being?

I am an attractive guy, but I am deathly afraid of trusting women. I feel that most are evil and, nowadays, mostly interested in sex rather than relationships. I do wonder if they feel that this grants them the power over men which feminism preaches?

I feel depressed, hopeless, and afraid that no girl will ever love me. Or that I will never love a girl. I can only have sex with a girl while remaining emotionally walled off. I want to open up but, I feel that I am too afraid of commitment. Or at least, I think that is what I am afraid of. But, maybe, I am just afraid to be happy.

8 Comments

  1. Shoua Shoua

    You’re not afraid to be happy, you’re afraid to be happy and lose it. I know, because that’s what I’m afraid of. I just met the most perfect man and I can’t bring myself to open up to him emotionally. He’s being very understanding, but there’s a part me of that says that sooner or later he will leave when it gets tough. I am slowly opening up, this tells me that facing my fears is going to make it better because it’s never as bad as we think it is. Hang in there, when you meet the right women, she will make you want to try, and when you feel like running, ask yourself if you are strong enough in this moment to face this fear. I still have anxiety around this man but I’m slowly facing my fears and it’s my biggest fear of all.

  2. mia mia

    feel the same exact way..most days i don’t understand relationships..i can’t trust guys, even when some a pretty decent..wonder if i’ll ever be able to fall in love at first sight, or fall in love at all, feel like innocence has disappeared, and with that my ability to trust and love someone as a partner, as a lover..wish that someday, someone could touch me and i could feel trust and love in their actions..

    • In October of 1991 my wife and I came on a visit to Chilliwack to see if a job that I was offered was going to be matluuly suitable. We arrived early, drove out from Vancouver, and spent a lovely fall day driving around the area. That night we went to a movie at the Paramount, and unlike many others, I can’t remember the first movie I saw in that grand old lady. What has stayed with me to this day was the feel, ambiance and aesthetic of that lovely theater. And, as visitors to this community at the time, that we chose to spend our evening in downtown Chilliwack. What would bring a visitor there today?We moved here the following spring, and the Paramount has been where our three born and raised Chilliwack children have come to enjoy not only so many great movies of their childhood, but the movie-going experience. What I believe is as important as the saving of a landmark building is the preservation of a family and community touch-stone for so many.

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  3. Anonymous Anonymous

    Im a young girl, and know youre not alone. There are plenty of girls who want true relationships with saving sex for marriage. I mean Im this way. I myself can feel terrified with commitment and have not dated before. In all honesty I cant ever see myself with a guy. Though I like guys a lot, I almost feel as if Im not worth it, and like it would never work for me because its just not me. But for you I hope you will find a good girl. Theyre out there, and Im sure youll meet one that respects you in every decision you make, and it will all work out. Stay strong and trust yourself. Its what we have to do in this world. If you can some how turn to God, its an idea. Take care.

  4. Christine Christine

    Both of you shouldn’t be afraid. Start small, you can interact with the opposite gender without feeling this. Be confident and think of friendship. No romance. Maybe we could be friends -or both of you. Not everyone is bad 🙂

  5. Bridgette Bridgette

    I understand you even though I’m a girl. Well, let me tell you this, not all girls are like that. There are still like me out there who feels the same way as you do. I’m as scared as hell when it comes to relationships and honestly speaking, I’ve never been in a relationship. Guys freaks me out. Not that I don’t have guy friends because I do. But I don’t know, when it comes to friendship with guys I’m okay but taking it to the next level is a big no, no. It’s like, once a guy shows me that he’s into me, I usually step back because I’m scared of getting hurt and trusting them. I don’t quite understand myself either. Guess, we’re just both afraid of the same things.

  6. cinderella cinderella

    That is the basis for philophobia, fear of loving. In the end it is fear of losing the love. The uncertain future or consequences of loving someone. You cannot control another person and even though they may love you now, you never know if they will betray you in the long run. On the other hand you might be afraid that your love might not last as well. Sometimes the pain of loneliness is preferable to the pain of not knowing how love will turn out in the long run. Loneliness is not pleasant but it is familiar. Love is scary, but worth it.

    (I can intellectualize it, but at the moment, I’m still scared unconsciously by my last relationship.)

    The fact that you can’t have sex with someone you feel strong emotions for means that you have a high respect for them and it’s similar to loving your mother. You have been taught is disrespectful to think of someone you love like that. This is immaturity and inexperience with loving someone in a mature fashion. If you can change the way you think about this person and understand that it is a way of showing your love for them it will come a long way toward overcoming the fear of sex with someone you care for. Be gentle, as this is how you show love.

    Overcoming this is a sign you are maturing.

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