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A True Philophic

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Philophia is definitely that sadly defines me. To find out & becoming diagnosed with this was actually a huge relief. Now I can focus on it. I’m 25, never been kissed, never went on a date.. never even met a guy for coffee. I have been asked.. I’m not ugly (I’ve done fashion shows and shoots) but I am a bit shy.

I can’t explain the feeling I get, but it definitely of pure sheer panic when I get asked out. When I talk to men I always ALWAYS am platonic.. I don’t flirt but if a guy is flirting.. I don’t usually notice. The moment I get asked to do something.. it’s like a cold waterfall falls over me, I get light headed and my breathing becomes shallow. My heart beats erratically and I just look for the first exit out. I’ve mostly been asked out via text and Facebook.. trust me.. it’s much appreciated because I can panic alone. Most of my friends are super supportive & I actually know a philophobic like myself.

Some say.. that I am waiting for the right guy.. that when I know, I’ll know. (Even that scares me) Do I want to fall in love? Yes.. Will I?? That’s a different story. When I really think about it.. it scares me to death. I have isolated myself because of this, I don’t go out, I don’t go to weddings (and if I’m forced then I always use the excuse that I am getting over an ankle injury and can’t dance to avoid being touched). My parents are ashamed.. some people have given up on me.. It’s not easy.

Philophobics have the constant fear of getting hurt.. and if people like your family and friends give up on you and can’t take it.. why would a guy think you’re worth it? It’s a lot of negativity… Here’s my story.. I hope and pray one day someone will take a chance on me.. and won’t give up. I know I’m not going to be easy to deal with at that time but hey.. who knows? I love to believe that there is true pure love and soulmates exist.. We’ll see.. I’m 25.. maybe young to some.. I’m an old soul and it’s a very long long time to be alone. My friends are all paired up and getting married and I haven’t even begun. Hope this story and experience helps others who don’t know if what they feel is real because philophobia stories helped me understand mine.

5 Comments

  1. Ruben Ruben

    Reading this I see exaclty the image of a girl I met 6 month ago and I liked so much…for finding out that she have done what you are exposing here…so sad for both, she was so nice.

  2. anilyn anilyn

    Hi, I can relate much to your story. The only difference was I fell in love before when I am 16, but it didn’t work. II never been to any relationship since then, I am 23 now. I am not comfortable on going out to dates, I am just telling myself that it is not my time yet, but is it really the case..i am starting to wonder now if I am a Philophic.

  3. Alice Alice

    OMG, it’s like you know me: “I’m 25, never been kissed, never went on a date.. never even met a guy for coffee.” This is me.
    But in my contry (hint: south america), if you aren’t always being very touchy and seeing someone everybody makes you feel like you’re some sort of wierdo. In my circle of friends, on the tv, everywhere, i feel like a ET because I don’t fit in this image of women they sell whithin the country and to the rest of the world.
    At least your friends are suportive, I found myself lying all the time “are you dating?” “you have never been with someone?” because when you’re 25 and never kissed they think that that is the lie, and they make you feel ashamed of yourself.
    And yes, it helped me a lot to read about you, so thank you.

  4. ronny ronny

    i just realized I’m this way too

  5. Judy Judy

    Hi, I fell in love, properly, like in the films, when I was 28. The relationships, I had before that time just seemed cheap time fillers, in comparison. I wish I had waited, I hope when you find what your looking for you have the strength to go for it, maybe get one alcoholic drink down you, super quick to relax you and then drink tea, take your time and start with friendship.

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