Philophia is definitely that sadly defines me. To find out & becoming diagnosed with this was actually a huge relief. Now I can focus on it. I’m 25, never been kissed, never went on a date.. never even met a guy for coffee. I have been asked.. I’m not ugly (I’ve done fashion shows and shoots) but I am a bit shy.
I can’t explain the feeling I get, but it definitely of pure sheer panic when I get asked out. When I talk to men I always ALWAYS am platonic.. I don’t flirt but if a guy is flirting.. I don’t usually notice. The moment I get asked to do something.. it’s like a cold waterfall falls over me, I get light headed and my breathing becomes shallow. My heart beats erratically and I just look for the first exit out. I’ve mostly been asked out via text and Facebook.. trust me.. it’s much appreciated because I can panic alone. Most of my friends are super supportive & I actually know a philophobic like myself.
Some say.. that I am waiting for the right guy.. that when I know, I’ll know. (Even that scares me) Do I want to fall in love? Yes.. Will I?? That’s a different story. When I really think about it.. it scares me to death. I have isolated myself because of this, I don’t go out, I don’t go to weddings (and if I’m forced then I always use the excuse that I am getting over an ankle injury and can’t dance to avoid being touched). My parents are ashamed.. some people have given up on me.. It’s not easy.
Philophobics have the constant fear of getting hurt.. and if people like your family and friends give up on you and can’t take it.. why would a guy think you’re worth it? It’s a lot of negativity… Here’s my story.. I hope and pray one day someone will take a chance on me.. and won’t give up. I know I’m not going to be easy to deal with at that time but hey.. who knows? I love to believe that there is true pure love and soulmates exist.. We’ll see.. I’m 25.. maybe young to some.. I’m an old soul and it’s a very long long time to be alone. My friends are all paired up and getting married and I haven’t even begun. Hope this story and experience helps others who don’t know if what they feel is real because philophobia stories helped me understand mine.