Ironically I love the thought of falling in love, a rom com addict, romance book addict reading or watching others faultless relationships – but this is not reality I know that. I watched my parents destroy each other in their marriage till there was nothing left. They hurt each other and hurt their children- emotionally scarring everybody. Yes wounds heal but they always leave a scar, the reminder that dont do it look what happens – once bitten twice shy and all that.
I have fallen in “love” with a man – I add the ” because im only 80% there. I cant give 100% because the scars tell me love doesnt work it just destroys everything. Its not that I dont trust him – I dont trust love, I cant give my control to love because i cant let it destroy me too. I can express how I feel because I fear that the love is not strong enough to deal with it. However, its not that love that destroys things its the fear – I know this fear stops me being 100% me and destroys me and others – and if I dont trust love it will destroy this relationship too, it will destroy my life….
There cant be a life without love but how do you trust it?