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Phobia???

Please share!

I never really thought this could be a phobia. Just came across this word “Philophobia” and I googled it and came across this website. Well I am 24 years old and I have never seriously dated. I started having sex at the age of 18 and that’s all I do. I told my first I only wanted sex and there were times I felt like I needed more but more often I didn’t want to be too serious. After him every other relationship I’ve had with men has just been sex. If I felt they were getting too close it was goodbye for them.

Some of the guys I let know its just about sex others I don’t mention I feel it will be too weird a topic to speak about. I took a year break from sex not talking to anyone but a friend, we had sex once but our conversations remain friendly and If he should ever want to get serious I feel the need to push him away, as I did with all the other men I came in contact with. I’ve considered a serious relationship but I become panicky just thinking about it. When I’m with guys and the conversation becomes serious I start to panic, experience nervousness and my palms become sweaty. I dunno. I wasn’t abused when I was younger but I somehow decided to not do serious relationships.

Glad I came across this site because I truly felt like I was alone in this world with these crazy feelings. All my friends around me has been or are in relationships. Well they don’t know the truth about me, whomever I’m screwing I usually pass it off as “my current bf” so they won’t know my “secret”.

I now remember, I did tell one guy I never had a bf and he freaked OUT! So no, not telling anyone, but you people here reading it, it’s anonymous 🙂

One Comment

  1. sarah sarah

    this is prolly the story closest to mine. i’m so glad you shared it. it makes me feel like have someone sharing my perspective and life.

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