I am 23 years old this year and I’ve never had a romantic relationship. I always want to feel loved by someone when seeing my friends hang out with their lovers and act lovey dovey. And I wonder how it feels to fall in love.
I have dark childhood memories where my parents got divorced just right after I born so I never got attention and love from someone who I could call father. He sometimes visited us twice a year and my mother end up raising me and 3 other siblings alone. Watching my mother raising us as a single mother really made me think that we really don’t need a man in the house.
When I got older, when someone showed their interest in me, I have zero confidence towards them. And I always think that they just come in my life to make my life harder just like what happens to my mother.
Even tho I worship my mother dearly, I don’t want to go through what she goes through. It’s paining and aching everytime I recall the memories. Now things get harder when I set my eyes on one guy that confessed his love to me for 3 years already. I rejected him several times but he doesn’t give up and now I grow a feeling towards him but he doesn’t know about it.
This feeling is paining and aching, it really hurts to love someone who also love back but you could not go to a next step.
I just can’t.