Is what I’m doing even right? I keep pushing boys away, no matter how nice they are. I got rejected in 8th grade by one of my guy friends. After that incident, I just felt dead. I don’t know what I should do anymore.
He stopped talking to me and avoided eye contact with me. My heart hurts and I just can’t think straight. Because of this, I stopped having guy friends and trying hard not to be near any.
To be honest, this is hard. I developed depression after a year or two. This just hit me hard. Now I’m in my first year of college. I’m starting to accept this whole rejection thing because of what happened on Thanksgiving. But I just can’t have the strength to like anyone anymore.
I’m afraid to love, afraid to feel the same pain again. Everywhere I go, I see couples doing sweet things together. I envy them but I never planned to break them up. I always wanted a guy friend to comfort me when I’m sad or would spend time with me. But this incident ruined everything already.
I feel horrible…my heart hurts so bad that I just want to scream out loud. Because he was my first crush and even though 4 years has passed, I just can’t find the courage to like anyone again.
Since then, I changed. I was a sweet and cheerful girl back then, but now…I’ve become so cold and mostly don’t have any facial expressions. I lost my smile. I just can’t feel happy anymore because there’s really nothing to look forward to anymore…