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I dont know whether I am a philophic or just a plain realistic girl

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Every teenager dream is to have their own partner isnt it? I am myself too, I dream about it, I long fr it. But I dont know why or whats wrong w me I mean someone says I’m cute nd I’m funny but deep inside I still feel like really insecured. W everything. There were boys who ask me to be my girlfriend, god, there were boysss but yeah all I did was I immediately said no or I’ll make a joke about it. Nd then I pushed them away. Out of my life. From best guyfriend to just a normal friend, some of it has become a stranger I dont even know now. At times I would really regret it. I feel so stupid nd will hit myself a few times nd mocked myself nd asking what were I thinking back then. I am not like so pretty you want to bat your eyelashes twice at me, no, I dont think I am pretty. Sigh.

Like the previous sister said that some may think that I am waiting fr the right guy, but well how will I know thats the right guy if I dont have enough experience to know that he’s the right one, right? Omg this sometimes kills me. Yknow, having a pretty older sister doesnt help much either. You would think that sisters are like laughing all the way together and walking along the street linking arms while do the shopping omg. No. Thats so movielike. The truth is, she only makes me feel more insecured. She has already been in like six or seven relationships while I have none. None. The scandal doesnt count. That was the first scandal I had, and the last one too. Maybe I did get my heart broken a little bit. You see, theres this one guy he was asking me to be his girlfriend, then he took it back. I was crushing to pieces. Mostly bcause I am dying to know whats his reasons fr taking that question back. Well probably bcause he felt guilty cheating on his girlfriend (like I said it was a scandal, like a secret affair lol) but I dont know. Nd then I lost contact w him. Nd then he is back. Nd then I found out that he has some feelings fr me. Ergh. Maybe because of him that I become a philophic. Is it a real philophic? I dont know.

But what I am sure is, I am someone who is realistic. I dont believe in those love stories in the movies. I dont believe in happy endings, the kind that stays last forever, no. I dont even believe in those story that there will be one guy who will accept you based on what you are. Its just seem, ridiculous. Thats my opinion though.

Nd I am thinking of staying single until I finish my high school. Nd I know that would be easy to accomplish..

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