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Category: Female philophobia stories

My best friend is also my ex

I always had difficulty dealing with people since childhood…when i got to university, i met a boy, he for cared me so much…and we were best friends for 3 months.. Then we become lovers..It lasted for 3 to 4 years.. Since it’s hard for to stay close to people, I loved him a lot…he was like the only one in my world..

However people said me he was not good enough, i always saw in him the best…but for him, a girl like me, who has few friends and who is not warm, is not a girl who will make him happy..

After dating for 1 and 1/2 years, i cut all my hair for religious good deeds and i become ugly…and i used to think he don’t want to go out with me since i got ugly..i trusted that he want to stay away from me and i also tried to stay away from him…we had to take a trip for surveys of university and he didn’t choose to take this trip with me..where we can choose our partners…This hurt me a lot because i thought he don’t want me as i was ugly…but i hated to lose him…

but as i got depressed, i was making him problems every day…we were angry and didn’t talk like 5-6 months but then i apologized to him bcoz i didn’t want to lose him..I called him back but still believing he didn’t love me anymore..but next 6 months, i started the fights and we didn’t talk llike another 6 months…I was very confused…i really hated that situation…

we r in the same class ,same course..hiw can he and me can stay without talking for such a long time…i sent him a break up msg and 1 month later, he got a younger and prettier girlfriend…i feel so hurt…it was and it is not easy for me to forget him…i have plans for us the whole life…i can’t love a new one…and i m afraid of love…i thought him as a life long partner but how can he leave me like this without even talking well…i have to see him every day as a classmate..and it hurts me every day …

I loved him a lot so that i never imagine the life without him…he hurt me…i don’t want to fall in love again…I am from Myanmar and both of us are on the way to doctors..i cry every day though he can be happy with his new gf without a proper goodbye to me..yeah…

He wins :-/…i lost everything..

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Broken in love…?

I really love reading books and watching shows about sweet and sappy love lives. But along the way when something heartbreaking happens, I feel it affect me in a way that tugs at my heart.

And a while back, there was this one guy I liked in a class we had together. He was super cool and when my feelings were just blooming for him, I heard he had hooked up with another girl in our class, and that girl was DATING a guy I grew up with.

I felt so bad for her boyfriend, who was probably unaware of it at the time. I guess it hurt me too. I began to hesitate at relationship opportunities in front of me because I knew I’d be cheated on, dumped, abandoned- I’d get scared my s/o would stop loving me and break what’s already pretty fragile.

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I’m not entirely sure

I think I may be philophobic. I really like the idea of a relationship and I’ve had my fair share of crushes and whatnot, but one time I was confronted by a guy I liked at the time (he kind of but not really liked me too) and he asked “So is something going to happen out of this?” And I immediately got scared and refused to talk to him for weeks.

I yearn for a relationship, yet when given the opportunity I run for the hills. Even now I’m avoiding getting feelings for anyone now because I really don’t want to repeat this

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How i do overcome my worst fear?

I’m 18 this year, and all i wanted on my life is to be loved… i finally got it, 4-5 months ago in the internet…. And everything fell down 2-3 weeks ago, after knowing that my internet bf cheated on me with someone who was my friend…

I can’t feel love again, or when someone tells that i should wait longer so i can feel love again, but i cant… i feel that its gonna be the same again…

I feel like shit and i don’t want to be lonely, but at the same time i’m scared of loving someone if its gonna end like this,

How i can overcome this pain and fear?

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I may be crazy but it hurts!

I am thirteen years old and I have liked a guy for almost nine years. I met him in kindergarten and haven’t been able to let go since. We weren’t friends or anything and we didn’t talk so I don’t know why I still liked him. He didn’t even know I existed!

I’m in my first year of high school this year and we go to different schools but I still live in fear as if he’s still standing a few metres away. I occasionally see him and I almost have heart attacks. I haven’t told my parents because I’m scared of what they’ll think of me and what they’ll do about it.

They contributed to my philophobia a lot too because of there lack of compassion and the amount of fighting. One friend did know and he didn’t understand, that was the last time I told anyone. This fear has Made me completely shut down and distance myself from everything and everyone. I do not trust anyone and recently I’m finding it really difficult to be with my close friends.

I don’t know what made me want this guy so much, he was really no good at all. We never dated or said goodbye and he more than likely doesn’t give me a single thought but it’s not so easy for me. I walk around terrified of seeing him. I’m scared of being hurt and I’m scared of hurting someone the way he hurt me. He put me through so much pain I almost took my life probably about ten times between the ages of 11 and 13.

I would get heartaches every night so bad it felt like a knife piercing my chest. I would know too because I did go through cutting and other extremes. I hardly like to call it his fault that I experienced this much pain but it was due to his lack of care or consideration. I was overly teased for holding onto my affection. Some people knew more about that of me than my name. It was how I was recognised as a person; “that’s the stupid obsessed cry baby who likes ****”.

A girl moved to my school in sixth grade and we became best friends but through the year she and that guy started dating. She smashed my heart into a million pieces and I cared about to a degree all I could say was congratulations and that I didn’t care. But I really really did. I had never cried so much in my entire life. He also used my affection to his own benefit, almost acting as if I were a slave to him. I gave up time, money and even loyalties for him. I did whatever I could do.

I cannot possibly stress enough how hurt I am and he doesn’t even know what he’s done to me. I find myself grasping onto the tiniest of twigs to stop myself falling off the cliff. I find myself lost of hope, trust, sleep and love and all I can do is cry about it. I have no motive for life because of what a boy has done to me. I am doing whatever I can to stop myself wishing to end my pain in the only way I can; by dying. The pain hasn’t ended and it never will. It is my nightmares, it haunts me!

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What can I do to get better?

I’ve only learned about the word “philophobia” a few hours ago and I can’t believe I finally have a precise term to describe how I feel.

The thing is, I grew up in a loving family. My parents are still together, there hasn’t been any divorce in our family as far as I know. I’m 21, I’ve only ever been with one guy and I’m the one who broke up with him. I don’t remember having my heart broken by anyone, or just my elementary school “boyfriend” who transfered school, came back years later, walked past 8 year-old-me and totally ignored me (yup, that was quite the first heartbreak, moving on).

My family is deeply kind, but they have a way of nicely making fun of you / teasing you that I’ve never liked. That one time I crushed on my bestfriend? Yup, my sisters thought it was hilarious that were videochatting on MSN. This one time during summer break that I crushed on a boy? Yup, my mom would try to know more and smile like what I feel is “cute” and it made me feel angry and so uncomfortable.

I’m very good at falling in love from afar. I do it everytime, but there’s a pattern. Either I barely know the guy, so the relationship won’t ever happen. Either I know he’s out of reach. Either he’s moving to another city / country. Either he’s from the internet and we never meet up. Either I do actually know him and love him but the second he reciprocates those feelings I run the hell away. As for today, I find myself crushing hard on one of my friends and it’s making me so sad.

I know the second someone loves me back, I run in the other direction. It just happens. On the one hand, I feel like I want them to love me back so badly. On the other hand, I desperately hope they don’t, because I will mess it up and stop feeling anything for them and I don’t want to hurt them.

I’d rather suck it up and handle my own grief than see them hurting and know it’s because of me. If I imagine myself in a relationship, honestly and truly, I feel like I’m going to have to take care of them. What if I don’t want to see them for a day? What if I can’t handle my feelings plus their feelings? What if suddenly I’m scared and I let them down? I know they deserve better.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m longing for more and I want to be able to flirt and talk and meet up like everyone else. It’s making me profoundly sad. I’m scared I won’t ever let anyone in and I can’t bear the thought of that.

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