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Category: Male philophobia stories

I can’t tell but I think I may have Philophobia

When I first started dating people I was around 15 and my first girlfriend was 13, me and her lasted for a year even though she was an online girlfriend, she broke up with me and said she thought she was in love with someone else so I just let her go and since she was my first girlfriend I will admit I was unreasonably upset about it so much that I cried for 3 days. After her I have had 4 other girlfriends also whom where online and eventually the final one I broke up with because she did not seem to take our relationship to heart since she was the flirty type and flirted with other guys behind my back until I caught her one day.

Now I am 18 and I have not dated anyone or even tried any relationships in 3 long years going onto 4 since my birthday will be this month. I did have one girl who seemed to really like me and also had a crush on me possibly who I was talking to on an online website where you can find friends, it seems that once I noticed little thing that may of pointed to the fact that she liked me in a romantic way, I noticed I seemed to become more distant to her and ended up having an issue with “being in the mood to talk to her” and then eventually I just stopped thinking about her all together and have not spoken to her since.

This story is why I feel that I may be philophobic, since I wish I had a girlfriends, but every time the chance comes my way I turn away and run from it with my tail between my legs like a wimp, I wish I could get help with this but I am not sure where to turn, I also am unsure if I even have this phobia. I will admit one thing that does go through my mind and cause me to run from it is that I seem to worry the most about them breaking up with me even though I love them a lot…

Anyone help please?

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Losing feelings

This is a couple years back but we met online. I know people say online dating never lasted and I think so too but I tried it anyways.

I met this girl and I really liked her and we became a couple. We lived across the state and it was boring doing the same thing. I was devoted to her and very loyal but she wasn’t.

For the first 3 months when we started dating she lost interest in me because of the distance we have.

After we broke up for 1 month, we went back together again because she missed me and I still loved her then. We broke up a couple of times and it was very tiring.

Then one day, she told me she cheated on me but I still gave her another chance. After that we broke up again. We lasted for 9 months. We talk once in a while but I always kept my distance because she can’t control her emotions.

If we talk for a good month she’ll start liking me again so I always kept my distance from her.

I would think I have philophobia because I just can’t handle relationships anymore or fall in love with someone because I’m afraid.

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Philophobia love

You are confident
You are happy
You are who you want to be
Living most of life’s experiences
Yet fragile in one particularly
isn’t everybody

An eternity you have been searching
And rarely you get this feeling
Where you are both truly smitting
Oh boy this is exciting
Alas others share this fabled story telling

I finally meet a perfect being
after sharing and talking
you are everything I dream of believing
it’s only been a short while
and hope this feeling will never die

For a moment, my life becomes whole
Finally a person I think worthy of my soul
Thinking of you more than now and then
Hoping you are also dreaming of me, amen

Seeking my attention
Returning your affection
There is no misconception
There is definitely a connection

We make ourselves vulnerable
and both want to be lovable
So passionate and unstoppable
This is truly unforgettable

My whole life waiting perfectly and patiently
to give myself to the deserving one and only
and WOW what a month in January
giving yourself to me unexpectedly
filled with the same envy certainly
always texting each other daily

Then you sent this shockingly
We need to talk – I am sorry
What’s this you say you are not ready
Getting hurt again is your worry
Too fast we went…maybe
If so, we are both guilty
Let’s talk about it surely
Too late the door closed abruptly
you killed me softly

My world instantly stops
My heart instantly drops
I try to breathe the air
The dream is suddenly a nightmare
Does this story sound familiar said the tortoise to the hare

You feel yourself about to fall
In slow motion as you’re wishing they’d call
Hoping they realize the unnecessary pain they are causing
But for some reason they don’t want to be communicating
Turn the page was their last writing
So hurtful they must be exaggerating
but you promised not to be harassing

As you are falling, you start to think
What did I do, did I say something
There must be a misunderstanding
Impossible, this can’t be happening
There is no reason we should be hurting
Perhaps they are not telling you everything

Naïve, you still think they will catch you
You left the door open for them to walk through
To tell you “I am sorry I scared you”
But in the end they never do

Feeling like a sacrificial pawn
That’s when you hit the ground
You know they are gone
You are definitely alone
How long and difficult the climb is unknown

You try and heal your wound
May never truly understand their move
Abandoned and used, you are somehow surviving
Eventually getting up on your feet and willing
To climb out of the darkness nobody deserves to be in

You recognize they let you go
Not living the agony they put you through
They actually feel liberated
and this should be respected
because no one should be hated

And as you are making this terrible journey
Giving up on love entirely
Praying that it’s just temporary
Wondering if you will ever truly be happy
Remember that at least you gave it a chance
And learn from this fast romance
Avoid the imaginary love trance
Next time you better slow dance

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Losing Control

I always thought that love was for everyone, that there was somebody out there to relate with, to grow with, to share everything with, to spend the rest of your life loving and caring for. I guess for me that will just stay a thought in my mind, never truly becoming a reality.

I grew up in the church, in fact my whole life was focused on God and his word until recently. Throughout this time I read that love was kind, patient and caring from the word but learned that love hurts, fights and doesn’t last forever from my parents constant arguing and discourse.

I tried to see the light in these situations, look for God and follow his ways, but this only led to heartbreak. I transferred this warped perspective to my relationships, judging those who didn’t live similarly to my lifestyle and pushing those I got close to as far as I could.

My last relationship was the worst of them all. I met a girl in church through a youth program and we instantly became buddies. After a year of flirting with one another we started dating and things started escalating very quickly.

Soon I spent all of my free time with her and her family, shoving friends and family away to spend more time with her. I told her all of my darkest secrets and deepest desires; my heart was in her hands…but she used it for her own purpose. I found out that her and her family were using me against my own family, trying to make me hate my parents, brother and sister and stay close to them. After discovering this I dumped her, but her tormenting and evil still haunts me and my family to this day.

Ever since I’ve been afraid of loving again. I’ve pushed many good girls out of my life since, fearing I’d lose control of myself and be used again. When someone tries to get close I become as cold as ice towards them; removing them from my life in an uncontrollable hatred. I want to feel love again; to open my heart to someone and share my life, but my fears always get the best of me. Maybe someday I’ll try to love again, but the pain of the past will always haunt me.

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She doesn’t need to be afraid anymore

I love a girl who is severely afraid of love, or maybe commitment, or both. I have known her since our younger days…not that we’re old, so I think in a way it gives us a little extra in the connection department.

We have spent time with one another, gotten physical (sex), and can talk to each other for days about anything! The time we do spend together is amazing and the world doesn’t matter. She’s all I think about, we have talked about kids and marriage, we both know we want it but I feel like no matter what I do sometimes she just pushes me away.

Our marriage talk will quickly turn to her telling me to “find someone better” and I feel shitty. I try and remember she doesn’t mean it and maybe I say the wrong things, or don’t support her as she wishes.

However I am affectionate and I expect the sane from my partner.

Sometimes I feel like I have to twist her arm to return the affection, and maybe that’s the wrong way to go about it. She has had a pretty horrible past relationship history, things that even shocked me and I’m not shocked easily. She also has kids with a father who could care less, and now that she wants a child it’s not exactly easy… let’s just say she has lady troubles.

At the end of the day all I want is for her to grab me and tell me she loves me. I want her to jump, I don’t want to jump alone.

But maybe that’s not in the cards. No matter how hard I try she pushes away when the feelings scare her. There are days I cry and lose sleep over her but I’d never admit that to her.

I know she’s the one and letting that go is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

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Alone

I am not a English native speaker, forgive me if my words are hard to understand.

I am 19 this year, i used to be with a lot of friends, having fun around, that was really a happy life.
But things has changed when i grew up, i am very underweight and skinny, i felt i’m different from the others, i tend to stay alone and away from my friends, tend to hide my feelings when talking to someone, and lacking of confidence has really caused a big impact to my life.

i had a relationship with a girl, but it end up real bad, i felt everyone is against me when we broke up. My parents argue a lot 2 years ago, almost divorce, i felt my life is total fucked up and wanted to commit suicide. I forced myself not to, i tell myself everything is going to work out.

i only have 1 good friend and 1 sister who make me feel we are having true bond between each other, but i think neither of them know that i am not happy, i always show them my smiley face. my life has been better when i worked very hard to build it up from a pile of shit, but i am still living in solitude, feeling alone everyday.

after escape from the mind of committing suicide, i found myself very afraid of building relationship with anyone else, every time when i felt a bond is almost formed, i avoided it and keep distance from them. i don’t know if this is philophobia, i just wanted to speak them out to make myself feel better.

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