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Category: Male philophobia stories

Horrified to love her

Right now im terrified. I horribly scared of falling in love or even showing my feelings.

A few years ago I met this girl, Tara, and we immediately became best friends. I fell for her immediately. She already had a boyfriend and I of course supported her constantly.

Over time I loved her more and more. I would’ve done anyting for her. Then she announced to me and my friends that she had broken up with her boyfriend. I got excited and I noticed that she started showing some signs that she might like me aswell. My friend told me that she did have feelings for me.

We became a couple later that day.

I showed my love for her daily and I received nothing in return. I was content with this until one day she just stopped talking to me. For a month I had lost the woman I loved and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because she was my best friend.

She decided she wanted back into my life and I allowed her. I ended up giving her the exact words that she used to get back with her ex boyfriend. I felt so betrayed.

A year later, I try to be friends with her and comfort her whenever she needs it but I fall for her everytime. I am horrified to this day to love her.

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Complicated

I just heard about philophoby recently. As soon as I heard the symptoms I became amazed of how much my personality matched with them. I have never had a girlfriend. Just hook ups and what not. What has been holding me back is not being able to appreciate the girls that want something with me…my independence is the most valuable thing in my possession. I would love to fall in love one day; in fact, I did and I messed up. Her name was Michelle and I knew we liked each other.

All my life…girls have been trying to get with me (I have rejected a good 20 something girls), but I just do not want anything with them. With Michelle, I felt deeply in my heart that she was the one. But I never dared. One day I was decided to tell her everything. I failed, and the worst emotion of physical sickness engulfed my body.

Now I want a good woman to share my moments with, but who knows what will happen. The only thing that dies in the end is hope.

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I hate love

i am only 17 , and i’ve been into a relationship only for 2 times .. the first when i was 15 and i didn’t know much about love or how to deal with the other sex ,she got into a relation with me just because of the money i have and my look , we been together for 2 months and at the same day of my birthday she just texted that she is breaking up <\3 ..the second and last is when she knew i got much money too , she was cheating on me the whole time we were together , and she gave no care about me or even how much i lost for her .. the only thing that makes me hate love and not want to get thru it again is my money and my look .. they never loved me for who i am <\3

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That’s 2 out of 3 dead

I think I know where it started. My first girlfriend was when I was 15. She was the kindest and most beautiful girl I have ever know and I loved her for it. After a year of being together we went to the cinema. After the film we were walking back to the bus stop and had to cross the street. I didn’t see any cars and started to cross the road and she followed just behind me. After getting a quarter of the way across the road a car came round the blind corner traveling at least 50mph. It didn’t see us and caught the back of my arm and back. I got knocked over and fell on the other side of the road. I had a deep cut across my forehead and had broken my nose. I then thought of Laura, I turned to see her laying half on the pavement and half in the road. It was dark but I could see she was in a pool of blood so I climbed up and realised I had a very deep cut on my leg which made it excrutiating to walk. When I got to her she had the most twisted look of pain and anguish on her face and I could feel that several of her ribs were broken as well as atleast 10 other bones. I called an ambulance and although it got there in 2 minuites she died before it found us.

That was the start. After her it took me a long time to move on but I eventually did. I was seeing Rebecca for a few months but I found I could not let myself connect with her emotionally. This upset her and we continued to break up and make up over and over again until it eventually ended. I then met anoter girl. Emma was a very sweet girl and we dated for 3 years. However over that time I could not tell her the words “I love you”, it made me scared to even think them. I knew that this upset her but she knew I had trouble opening up. I hated it because I wanted to say it but every time I tried and couldn’t I got so frustrated because I knew how much it would mean to her. After 3 years of not being told she was loved she left me. That was a year and a half ago.

I know that it all started with Laura’s death but I have been working hard to fix myself. Last week Rebecca died of a stroke. Thats 2 out of 3 dead. I am starting to think Im going to be like this for more than a little while, and that scares me more than anything else I have experianced.

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Can’t risk loving again

Really this is a pointless story.. and I hate myself that I can share it with you (the anonymous readers) and not with anyone that I thought I care/d about…

I’m 20, Lastyear I had just finished my first year at University.. then I had a long summer of 4 months… A girl that had been working for my parents since I went became good friends with me… over the months we became best friends, I’d think about her everyday.. my first experience of love and I didn’t even know that I was in love… I knew everything about her.. literally everything, I had even planned places to take her on a date and to show her the time of her life hoping that she would reciprocate the feelings and appreciate that I care about her… we became bestfriends and then she got a boyfriend, a customer at my parents business… he’s 23 and far more than I’ll ever be.. I think the was philophobic aswell to start with… he’s a real nice guy although I’ve heard things from her friends that made me want to kill him..

I fell completely head over heels but I didn’t want to tell her how I felt because I knew that someone as disgusting as me would drive her away and I would lose something that was most important to me.. her friendship. In my mind I was constantly in conflict getting panic attacks every time I saw her, she was everything to me… I couldn’t imagine a day without her…

the conflict that I was going through, loving her but not being able to tell her because I feared losing her drove me insane, literally.. depression took hold of me and everything that I decided to do or say was planned but looking back now everything that I said or did was only pushing her further away…

My mom could see that I loved her and told me that it wouldn’t happen.. “What would she ever see in you?”.. “Why would she ever want you?” those words haunted me everyday and everday I would get up and put a brave face on excited that she was happy with her boyfriend because I knew I’d never be able to make her happy..

One day we went out there was four of us… the girl I loved, her boyfriend, her cousin and me… he drove us to a leisure park about 20 miles from home… we walked around the grounds and then they started kissing… this sent me down.. completely to the bottom of the pile, I felt so insignificant that I just wanted to die there and then… later that night she asked me what was the matter.. I said that everything was fine, then she made guesses and asked questions that progressively cut down my answers to a yes or no.. was I in love with someone? did I like someone that she knew? did they work for my parents???? I finally broke completely, I had been welling these feelings up for a long time… “I LOVE YOU!!” and that was it, the friendship probably ended there.

My mom decided that she was going to get involved after seeing how hurt I was, staying in my room.. only going out to see her and her boyfriend.. I regret ever telling my mom anything about what I was feeling because she made my depression worse… she started punishing her at work, ignoring her, talking down to her to the point where she hated her… I am angry with my mother but mostly with myself…

My best friend and the woman I love hate me… I have nothing and for the past year I have been consoling myself with drink.. I drank a bottle of whisky one night and fell down the stairs after breaking my foot… (pathetic I know)

I decided that I was going to make a come back, I wasn’t going to drink spirits anymore, I wasn’t going to sit in my room hoping that she would realise that she loved me..

I had been going to my friends house for the past 5 years every weekend I would end up there and we’d talk… it would take my mind off things…

I am stressed out at the moment because I think I have developed feelings for his daughter who is the same age, if we are in a room together we just sit glancing at each other, never really making eye contact..

I cannot afford to love anyone again, after what it did to me the last time and what I would do to her or any other woman.. I won’t risk it… I can’t stand the thought of it, I like the idea, it’s all I’ve ever wanted but I can’t risk hurting someone else or opening up my heart and telling someone everything, I just can’t lose that control..

I’m very confused, very lost and intend to get very very drunk tonight..

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Single for nearly 10 years

ive been single for nearly 10 years now. and MY biggest fear is that ill never have someone again. so its like, i want a girlfriend but at the same time my fear keeps that from happening. i feel sick, have heart palpitations, etc.

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