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Category: Looking in (non-philophobics)

Help

Hi everyone reading this,

As the title says I need help. There’s a girl that I know for about 3-4 months now. Well she has philophobia… And it hurts me everytime I think about it. She really doesn’t know what to do.

I’ve met this girl on the internet and she lives 20 minutes from me (with my bike). It was fate that I had found her I guess. I had found her in a group chat on MSN. The first time I added her we started talking for about an hour. The next few days we started to talk more and more, until one of us fell asleep. I really was addicted to her. So I said that I liked her…

She didn’t know what to say, a few minutes later she replied that she liked me to. We fell in love, I love a girl that I’ve never met, only chatting and calling her on the phone is the way of communication. We started calling alot and chat alot with eachother, by the way I’m 19 and she’s 17.

Then New Year came, she stopped saying lovely things to me. She stopped starting chats with me, I asked why she has changed, she answered that she doesn’t want a boyfriend. I asked her why and she said she doesn’t want a boyfriend again. Now I’ve been understanding why she has been acting like this since New Year. She has Tumblr, and she posted a picture with Philophobia… And then I knew what this all was about. It really breaks my heart everytime I think about it. I really miss the feeling of given love.

Sometimes I start crying, I guess I’m a very emotional person for a male, since I’m only 19.

Anyone has some useful advice regarding my issue, if you do please post a comment.

Thanks in regard,
Mr. Lion

3 Comments

What can I do to make him feel safe?

I am curious as to whether there is anything the potential or not-quite partner can do to create enough safety for the philophobe?

There is no question love is there, but so is a hx of first girlfriend dying, etc. My loved one’s fear seems not only the rational fear of getting hurt, but an “irrational” but understandable fear of somehow “causing” hurt to me by really letting go.

As it is, he asks me to be in his life, because he doesn’t want to be without me, yet manages always to keep a buffer of some form or other between us. All I know to do is to be honest yet respectful of whatever he needs to do. However, it’s hard not to sometimes feel hurt that his discomfort with connection always trumps my need for connection.

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She told me she can’t love anymore

I didn’t know this phobia since today, i just clicked a random page on wikipedia and the philophobia page showed up. Immediately, that page caught my attention and i ended up here.

I’m in love with a girl. She is from Switzerland and I’m from Italy. I met her in my town 7 years ago, she was in vacation for just two weeks. We had a group of friends with whom we spent beautiful days, but 3 years ago were all separate. She was in a relationship with a guy from this group that cheated a lot of times on her when she wasn’t there. They ended up leaving her alone.

Today, I’m the only one left and i became her best friend. But i love her. I told her about this and she told me that she can’t love anymore.

Now she is in therapy for anxiety and depression, she has a great job and we are still friends. According to other people, we seem to be in a relationship, we have sex, we are jealous of each other, but still she don’t want to tell me “i love you.”

Thanks for the time and sorry for my bad english.

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What can I do to help?

How can you help people who fell in love with a philophobe?

Is there anything the one deeply in love can do, when he/she realizes that the partner is terrified with the relationship — changes behaviour from extreme love and tenderness to coolness and distance? And when they get to the extreme of avoiding all means of communication?

Besides standing the pain, is there anything else that may help to make it work?

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He’s scared to be in a relationship

I really like this one guy and he really likes me too. we’ve known eachother for tha past 2 years but never really talked till a while back. he sais he really likes me, but he’s just scared to be in a relationship because they have hurt him a lot. so I don’t know what to do in this case cause I really do wanna be with him..?

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My ex BF, the philophobe

My ex bf is a philophobe. He said he loves me to this day but he just cant have a relationship with me. He’s afraid that i will hurt him like his ex did… I dont know how to deal with it because I love him too….

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