Category: Looking in (non-philophobics)

I am curious as to whether there is anything the potential or not-quite partner can do to create enough safety for the philophobe?

There is no question love is there, but so is a hx of first girlfriend dying, etc. My loved one’s fear seems not only the rational fear of getting hurt, but an “irrational” but understandable fear of somehow “causing” hurt to me by really letting go.

As it is, he asks me to be in his life, because he doesn’t want to be without me, yet manages always to keep a buffer of some form or other between us. All I know to do is to be honest yet respectful of whatever he needs to do. However, it’s hard not to sometimes feel hurt that his discomfort with connection always trumps my need for connection.

I didn’t know this phobia since today, i just clicked a random page on wikipedia and the philophobia page showed up. Immediately, that page caught my attention and i ended up here.

I’m in love with a girl. She is from Switzerland and I’m from Italy. I met her in my town 7 years ago, she was in vacation for just two weeks. We had a group of friends with whom we spent beautiful days, but 3 years ago were all separate. She was in a relationship with a guy from this group that cheated a lot of times on her when she wasn’t there. They ended up leaving her alone.

Today, I’m the only one left and i became her best friend. But i love her. I told her about this and she told me that she can’t love anymore.

Now she is in therapy for anxiety and depression, she has a great job and we are still friends. According to other people, we seem to be in a relationship, we have sex, we are jealous of each other, but still she don’t want to tell me “i love you.”

Thanks for the time and sorry for my bad english.

How can you help people who fell in love with a philophobe?

Is there anything the one deeply in love can do, when he/she realizes that the partner is terrified with the relationship — changes behaviour from extreme love and tenderness to coolness and distance? And when they get to the extreme of avoiding all means of communication?

Besides standing the pain, is there anything else that may help to make it work?

I really like this one guy and he really likes me too. we’ve known eachother for tha past 2 years but never really talked till a while back. he sais he really likes me, but he’s just scared to be in a relationship because they have hurt him a lot. so I don’t know what to do in this case cause I really do wanna be with him..?

My ex bf is a philophobe. He said he loves me to this day but he just cant have a relationship with me. He’s afraid that i will hurt him like his ex did… I dont know how to deal with it because I love him too….