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Category: Other

Terrified

I feel this all the time. I think about telling someone about my feelings, or when someone asks me and I freak out. I never get close to anyone. I’m afraid to do so. I don’t go to people to talk about my problems, I prefer to do them on my own. If I had a bad day, or if I want to get things off my chest I can never do so.

My fear has always stopped me. To have people leave me when I told them everything and they couldn’t bare it, or if they don’t want to be apart of it. i know I have this, but I need to get over it. I want love, but I’m terrified of the outcome. To be in love you have to know the person, you have to know how they feel, what they feel. You have to trust each other, tell each other things.

But I fear that when or if I do, they will just leave and see me as a lost cause.

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Do I have philophobia?

I’m sixteen and I’m not sure if I have philophobia.

I have a lot of guy friends but i haven’t had a crush for 4 years up until now.

I don’t like showing affection or intimacy, like hugging with both guys and girls. I also don’t like to open up to people and usually keep my thoughts to myself.

I tell myself that no one will be capable of loving me and feel that people deserve love except me. I like to think of love. I imagine myself on dates or make up scenarios in my head about falling in love but when its in real life I end up being scared.

When I find out that a guy likes me I panic. I also feel disgusted, I don’t know if its towards myself or the guy.

My parents fight all the time, especially when i was younger but now they only do it once a month.

Is it weird for me to wish that they should just get a divorce? I also blame myself that they are still together.

Please, help is this philophobia?

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Not really philophobia

The first time that I had a boyfriend was way back when I was 15 years old. I have known him all my life and our families were friends. I have never thought of falling in love with him, for me, it was too cliche to fall for someone you have known for so long.

But eventually, I started to fall for him. The feeling was new. I felt that someone loved me for who I am. He made me feel like I was his queen. And he even planned our future, that after 12 years, he would marry me. And in return, I promised him that he will be my forever and always. But after 3 months, we fell apart. I was the one who broke up with him. Just because of a stupid misunderstanding, i lost everything.

I tried to get him back, but he said he was too hurt. As I failed, all I can do then is to cry myself to sleep. I wanted him back in my life but I just can’t. He was my once in a lifetime happiness. And a few weeks, he got back back with his ex. It hurts like hell but I tried to smile so that it was as if it didn’t affect me at all.

But deep inside, it is hurting me. And after a few more months, i had a boyfriend. He was really sweet and kind. He made me feel special. He gave me special attention and he loved me for who i am. I was happy with him. But the hitch was, he was my ex’s friend. But I forgot about my first boyfriend because of him.

I was happy for a few months but my ex and I had started talking again. Turns out, his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. We got to talking again and I felt what I have felt before. I still love him. After all these months, it’s still him. And maybe, it will always be just him. My boyfriend and I then broke up and I started to have a connection with my ex again. Even my parents approve of him. And now, we are seeing each other almost on a daily basis but nothing was happening.

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