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Philophobia causes

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When two people fall in love with one another, the world becomes a beautiful place no matter what else goes on. This sense of euphoria, Greek for “good feeling,” is one of the most pleasurable parts of establishing an emotional relationship with someone. This wonderful prospect becomes tragic, however, when one of the potential partners harbors an unwarranted, persistent fear of love. This fear is known as “philophobia.”

What causes such a disturbing mental condition? For some people, being in the throes of love means losing control of their emotions, something that terrifies them. In this instance, romantic love makes it impossible for them to maintain their emotional control, because their well-being relies on the responses of their partners.

Philophobia certainly ranks as one of the most unusual phobic conditions. Most people can understand when a person fears snakes or spiders, which pose an actual bodily threat. There’s also sympathy for people who fear heights (acrophobia), crowds (agoraphobia) or enclosed spaces (claustrophobia). In each of those cases, people can relate somewhat to the negative emotions and physical sensations that can result. It’s easier to understand how a natural caution against bodily harm can develop into a more lasting and unreasonable mental condition.

However, philophobia can be mystifying to people, even to those who suffer from it. One way to understand the condition a little better may be to consider the life of one of the most famous philophobics of all history, England’s Queen Elizabeth I. Historians have recorded how the Virgin Queen both invited and resisted the courtship of all the eligible royal bachelors of her era. There’s also no doubt that Good Queen Bess had a long romance with Lord Robert Dudley, who she eventually elevated to the rank of Earl of Leicester but would never marry, even after his first wife died. In middle age, Elizabeth came very close to marrying the young Duke of Anjou, brother of the King of France, but in the end she rejected him as well. All the best historical evidence is that while Elizabeth adored the attention of many men in her life, she never let her romantic attachments progress to the point where she became subordinate in any relationship. She never lost control.

Centuries after this remarkable woman leader lived and ruled, forensic psychologists now believe that Queen Elizabeth may have been so affected by the execution of her mother, Queen Anne Boleyn, and her cousin, Queen Katharine Howard, that she feared marriage, equating it with death. This is understandable given that during Elizabeth’s time, even the noblest and most royal women were forced into subordinate roles. Her cultural situation was compounded by the ruthless ways in which her father, King Henry VIII, disposed of his unwanted wives. Although unlike many philophobics she was able to form some relationships, Queen Elizabeth nonetheless actively resisted taking the final step to a lasting relationship, namely marriage.

The emotional struggle faced by Queen Elizabeth I and by anyone today who suffers from philophobia can’t be underestimated. They endure a rollercoaster of conflicting emotions; they long for love and closeness just like everyone else, and yet they can’t bring themselves to let go of their emotional control. This mental anguish runs deep, and can be enormously debilitating.

Ed. note: These articles were written by a professional researcher, and not a psychologist. If you feel you can improve anything, please write in. And never take anything you read on the internet as qualified medical information.


  1. Katie Katie

    wow. I can’t believe that I never put 2 n 2 together and that’s why she never married. Totally understandable from my point of veiw but it was brought to my attention that I have it so of course I understand.

    • Susan Susan

      Yes i have felt the same way all my life and its so debilitating. I just cant move forward in any relationship. I feel stuck and afraid.

  2. Anonymous Anonymous

    I just recently realized that i have philophobia. We have crushes like normal people but fear being in a relationship. I found out my crush likes me and had a panic attack. My emotions are counteracting each other the crush vs the phobia. I still act like a mormal person with a crush but if i see signs of them liking me i go into a full blown panic attack

    • Anonymous Anonymous

      I’m the same way. I can like a guy all I want, but as soon as he likes me back I’m overwhelmed with dread and fear.

      • Jmart Jmart

        Yes, exactly. I can like so many girls, but the second they show that they like me back, I get scared, and although it feels good to flirt at the moment I do it, the afterfeel of doing it is ussualy me feeling nauseous. This is ussualy why i like girls from afar, or ones that dont pay attention to me. I always end up feeling guilty when I find out a gurl likes me because I know that I actively flirted with her to get her to like me, but then in the end I dont want a meaningful relationship. I hate myself for this because i really want to get into a serous relationship, and i want someone I can love, but when i find that person, and they like me back, im afraid that they might not have the same feeling, and worst of all, they might have the same feelings, but not accualy want a meaningful relationship. Its confusing. Ive had no bad parenting, or any person to break my heart. Nothing tragic has happened to me, and yet i have this irrational fear. I can love my sister, mother and father without any problems, but I cant with other girls.

    • Anonymous Anonymous

      Yes i have felt the same way all my life and its so debilitating.

    • Anonymous Anonymous

      I feel exactly the same… i never understood why or how i could feel like this but this has given me some insight as to why i act how i do with relationships.

  3. Anonymous Anonymous

    I think I also have philophobia I also have crushes I like the idea of being in a good relationship but when it comes I just shove it away and I can’t really love someone I always wondered why but now I think I do know why

  4. nolkie nolkie

    i didn’t know until this day that i have Philophobia. i got into a relationship for literally 5 hours and i was crying, devistated because i wanted to get out, i felt like i was going to be trapped, like he was going to hurt me just like the rest of them and now just sitting hear and to see the word love my heart becomes filled with fear. honestly i wouldn’t encourage anyone to be in a relationship. its a trap and you are just setting yourself up for being hurt

    • Someone u know Someone u know

      Same with my mom.. She broke down one day and thought I have to get away .. It’s just because u r scared.. Same with my ex.. Just try to think before u do

  5. Hey guys i just wanted advice from you…
    I’m inlove with someone who suffers from phobia , i want to be with him and also want to help and aproach him, but i dont know what to do because he keep me in a distance ….
    So please help me just give me advice what to do ???? Should i hold on or should i give up???

    • Someone u know Someone u know

      No never give up… U keep fighting if u truly love them… U work on it and u help them as much as possible.., but don’t hurt them .. Go easy and slowly through the relationship

    • Marina Marina

      I would say that the only real way would be to be really cautious for sure, as well as maybe talking to them by text or in writing about it. It’s extremely hard to talk about out loud, and he might not even admit to having it. Just be careful, make sure he’s okay with everything you’re doing, just like with someone with haphephobia, the fear of touch.

  6. Anonymous Anonymous

    I just now realized I have philophobia. I went through a big heart break and since then could never go back to the old me. I don’t even have crushes on people because I hate guys they just always want to hurt someone,.. ugh idk what I have but I don’t like the word love itself.

    • Anonymous Anonymous

      I had a similar situation with you. After my “rejection” from my crush, I completely changed. I used to be a nice and cheerful girl, but now I’ve changed to a somewhat cold and mean girl. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Every time a boy tries to talk to me, I always push them away. Those feelings are just too hard to endure. My heart hurts when I push them away every time. I stopped being friends with boys, not because I lost interest but because I’m too afraid to fall into that trap.

  7. Someone u know Someone u know

    Wow! This happened to my mom and she regretted it later, same with my ex.. That’s y he is my ex… He said something triggered his head he had a breakdown and something told him to get away from me… I didn’t understand at first but I researched and talked to my mom and found out lots.. And she says it wears off and they realize they did wrong and they try to come back but it’s usually to late…. Help?!?

  8. Marina Marina

    Okay, so I think I have this, but it makes no sense why. I’ve always stayed away from boys, and have never been in a relationship. I guess there are a few reasons. For one, my parents aren’t exactly happy together, and my dad already divorced his first wife. I have anxiety for sure, and I have had a lot of panic attacks, I’ve lost count at this point. I have social anxiety, as well as general anxiety, which would explain if I had just a little of this, but it’s bad. I sat next to a boy I know has a crush on me and had a full-blown panic attack. Every symptom you can think of. Unfocused, shaky, can’t breathe, gulping, sweating, tired. And he’s the only person that knows I have anxiety and panic attacks. He noticed, but couldn’t calm me down, which he hates, I know. I don’t know what to do at this point. If anyone has any advice, it would be appreciated.

  9. Google friend Google friend

    I was reading through all the comments, very interesting. I met a guy who has this problem too, philophobia. In the beginning I couldn’t understand it, now I do. He tried to have a relationship with me but not in a “normal way,” but through manipulation and control, he couldn’t get it. The second time… there was nothing he could do because he doesn’t know how to have a “normal relationship” and it looks like he doesn’t want it either. I’ve always known he likes me a lot… and I told him I do too, but I don’t like the way he’s with me. He tries to relate to me in a very superficial way, he looked cold sometimes but he opened up a few. Maybe I should have been more patient, I left him twice because his behaviour didn’t add up, he delayed meeting me, was cold or superficial and he wouldn’t explain anything or try to make up after seeing I was angry and about to tell him off. So, it looks like he wants me to leave him, but he’s been visiting my internet profile in the invisible mode for 4 months now… So, he doesn’t want me to know it. I know it’s him because it happened also the first time I told him off. This is pretty silly and sad because we like each other…

  10. Judy Judy

    I have done most of the above with someone. If I can’t be with him, I at least would like to have a conversation, with him, part with no misunderstanding, anger and with peace. However my panic attacks are so bad! Once I even think I had a ptsd flashback and nearly ran into the road. I think if he did talk to me, I might collapse and be incapable of speech, that’s if I just don’t zone out. It’s been a horrific nightmare, there is no denying we love each other, but there seems no way around it. If I was to suggest any way to behave so that we could have that vital conversation, it would be…. say hello and then patiently wait for the worst of ensuing breakdown to be over, before just chatting calmly, offering a tissue, suggest a walk, don’t expect answers…. Eventually I think I might calm down a bit, immediately suggest a alcoholic drink.. (I’m not a big drinker, but I know it would calm me down). talk about light subjects, people we know, then maybe then I could talk about why I’ve been such a utter shit to him, make my apologies and have some peace.

  11. James James

    Do philophobics come back after they break up? I heard they Are famous for it.

  12. Brenda Brenda

    I struggle with this but I accepted it. I’ll maybe try to fix this problem in some future but I don’t want to get in any kind of relationship cause I know I’ll lose control. My last “fall” was one year ago. I spent all 2016 trying to date guys and had a lot of dark weeks getting over all the dates I cancelled, that’s when I realized I had a phobia. I used to love to have partners but after a big breakup I experienced depression (lost a lot of weight) and I guess it is like a trauma

  13. subham panda subham panda

    i am happy

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